The Tragic Two

When I decided to talk about the tragic two, it was for a specific reason it’s the tragic story of two little girls who think they are women but don’t know what being a real woman is. When I speak of tragic two, I’m speaking of two young women I know both in their early 20s that are now mothers or about to be moms. It’s tragic because they both had so much potential and have now probably killed a good amount of it or ruined it altogether.

When I heard about them, each at different points I sighed. I weeped almost at the loss of another young black woman to single parenthood and struggle. I never wanted kids and I made sure I protected myself so I wouldn’t have them. I’m not dumb enough to think people in their 20s don’t know how not to get pregnant, they do. So when I was talking to someone else and about this and asked ‘how could they let this happen’. She said something that broke my heart but was true, it wasn’t that they let it happen it was that they wanted this to happen. I can’t argue with that, all young people are aware of birth control and condoms. Damn, the Trojan commercial is on every few seconds on VH1 and MTV. It is not an easy life for a single mother, it’s not easy when you have good job and have the ability to provide monetarily for you and a baby. What are they thinking is going to happen to them as young single mothers? One with no college education and the other with half a college education.

I know these two girls closely but not close enough that I was part of their lives in a way that I could have influenced them. I wish I had been because I tell my own nieces all the time, how tragic it would be for them to be young, pregnant and alone. How their lives would be just another statistic of single black motherhood and welfare and Section 8 housing. I tell them that they’re worth more than that and that the whole world is open to them, but it ain’t open if you’re carrying some knothead’s baby. I swear during the No Wedding, No Womb blog campaign this year there was so much talk about how marriage isn’t going to solve anything for single black mothers and yes I believe that  marrying some nitwit is not going to help anyone but neither is getting pregnant by one. There was much talk about people thinking carefully about marrying people, which I also believe is good advice you should. But while we’re talking about all this careful thinking about marriage, no one in the anti-No Wedding, No Womb crowd said nary a word on careful thinking about having a baby.

When I decided I didn’t children, a lot of careful thought went into, the potential of having a child and raising a child was thought out to death by me. Yea, I analyzed it like there was no tomorrow and I came to decision that having kids was not for me. I also knew that if I’d have wanted them, I would have had to have been married to someone. I’m sorry but no dude would stick me with a baby while he still had the potential to run off and live his life. When women have children for men they aren’t married to thinking he’s stuck with her and the baby, she’s a fool, she’s the only one stuck.

I’m not sure why these young women were so eager to have children with people they weren’t married to, barely committed to, didn’t really know anything about but each has had a tragic upbringing. Maybe that has something to do with it, maybe they wanted someone who would love them, maybe they wanted to believe that the boy who was sexing them down and not thinking about a future with them or a baby would change his mind when he found out she was pregnant. Maybe sometimes we just like living in a  fantasy world, where everything is pure and great. My thought now is that these two beautiful and bright young women are pretty much ruined as far as prospects for good potential mates go. Yes, there are men who are okay with raising someone else’s child because I guarantee these dudes they had these children with will not be sticking around. But those guys are so few and far between and there are so many other women out there looking for that sort of man, yea you cut your chances at a quality mate by a huge percentage. God forbid they have another baby without being married to the father. I don’t get the concept of struggling for a bad life. Both of these young women are hard workers, who are now trying to make homes for a baby and the baby daddy, because he doesn’t have enough sense, gumption, ambition, manliness to make a way for his girl and his baby. I am saddened and mad, sad because these were beautiful young women with so much potential, mad because their dumb asses decided to waste it on some worthless jackass by having his baby. My niece was telling me that some of the girls at her high school think it’s cool to be pregnant, they think that way they maybe get some stuff like the pregnant teens on MTV. I hate that damn show, Teen Mom, you’d think kids would catch a clue but their brainless butts are now thinking they’re gonna get famous. I told her, you know what you get when you’re a black teen mom, nothing, just scorn of the public and adding to a tragic statistic. Young black women should really want to be missed by that mess.

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