Star’s Favorite…Music-A Charlie Brown Christmas Soundtrack

I love Christmas music and there are not many Christmas songs I don’t know I’ve even gotten ahold of that new one by Justin Beiber, yea the shawty one. Yes it’s tragic. But my favorite Christmas music is the soundtrack from A Charlie Brown Christmas by the Vince Guaraldi Trio. Vince did all the music for the Charlie Brown specials and he was a fabulous modern jazz musician. This is one his best, the music on here is timeless and as soon as the Christmas season begins I start playing this soundtrack. I also own the DVD of the actual Christmas Special. I love this music, it’s relaxing, smooth, soothing and beautiful you could actually play all throughout the year. But really during Christmastime it takes on a special meaning for me. If you’ve never heard it, you should especially if you enjoy modern jazz. The smooth grooves will take you to a Christmas winter wonderland. I need to find more of Vince Guaraldi’s music because this is just the best album ever and the best Christmas music of all even after all this time. I want to thank you all for sharing this wonderful year with me on my blog. I will, of course, be back next year but my husband has a week’s vacation next week so I’ll be focusing all my attention on him. But don’t forget to come back at beginning of new year, I’ll have new blogs and vlogs. I will be continuing my series and of course allowing you to ogle some of the hotness men around. Thanks again and I want to wish each and every one of you a Happy Holiday, Merry Christmas and Happiest of New Year’s.

I Don’t Do Resolutions

I know I’ve been in the midst of a series on Thursday’s post about emotional abuse and NPDs but seeing that it’s almost Christmas I was not in the mood to speak about crazy and abusive people. This is a time to celebrate and be light-hearted so I’m sticking with that prescription. I’ll be back to my series come the beginning of the new year and you’ll want to come back and read it. I know I’m killing you guys with suspense about NPDs but believe me it will be revealing and very informative. Okay on to other more happy and joyful subjects.

Well, less than being a joyful subject, a subject for my contemplation has been the coming of the New Year. I’m always happy about a new year coming along even 2012 I know many people can’t wait for 2011 to be over but I can’t say I’m one. I’m not thinking I want to hang on to it but 2011 has been a stellar year for the Berg household. We’ve been infinitely blessed this year and the goal I set for this year ‘to live a peaceful, quiet life’ actually came about. I have been pretty unfettered and unbothered by much of anything. I haven’t taken on other’s problems and I’m no longer trying to make sure everyone is feeling my presence. That means I’m not chasing people down to be with them, if you don’t make an effort to be in my life, I make no effort to be in yours. It has lead to a happy, stress-free life. There’s something nice about not caring if people are upset with you especially if you haven’t done anything to upset them. In my recent blog I’m Still in Limbo, Dammit I explained how I’m still in limbo regarding my career goals a limbo that has been going on for about 2 years. But this year I have a new goal. Now when the New Year comes up I have goals not resolutions, I hate resolutions because it’s a just a list of shit that you’ll do for a month then get tired of it or frustrated and just quit. Goals for the year are different way of thinking and I always have just one goal. This year’s was the live a quiet and peaceful life, that ended up spreading itself to other aspects in my life and resulting in a good year. This year’s goal is have more self-discipline. Yes, I am a person that can lack self-discipline and it’s something I struggle with. But I thought the goal of trying to have daily self-discipline would work to my advantage in a couple of ways, I would get moving on shifting my career into the purpose I know God has for my life; I would start saving more money for retirement and planning more for it; and I would start exercising more and eating better to lose more weight and have my diabetes be in better order. I’ve been metzo, metzo on the weight thing. But I am feeling positive about this goal, I also think it will help in many aspects of my life if I just focus on self-discipline and not this ‘I’m going to lose 10 lbs in a month‘, those kinds of promises are just self-fulfilling disappointment for me. If lose 10 lbs in 3 months or 6 months I will have done what I needed towards my goal of self-discipline. I’m turning 40 years old next year and that’s a milestone that means something to me, I want to go into my 40th year better than ever and being more disciplined will help me with that. I don’t know what it is that you want for your own life but setting one goal is probably the way to do it. But then again, this works for me so do what works for you. I’ve got one more blog this year and I’m on a little hiatus. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog in 2011 and I’ll see you in 2012 as I traverse the weird and wonderful world.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Santa Claus

Yes, today I give a big ups to old St. Nick, Santa Claus, Kris Kringle. Yes, what’s not sexy about a man with a bag full of gifts. I’m a big ‘ol kid at heart so Christmas is special time for me. It always takes me back to my childhood and I must say I had a really happy childhood.  Although I’m way too old to believe in Santa, some part of me still does. As a kid when Christmas Eve came, there would be just  a few presents under the tree, me and my brothers would go to bed then at about 5 am we’d wake up to  a tree filled with presents including  a new bike every year. It was fantastic, I still don’t know where my parents hid those presents from us and till this day my mom won’t tell me. That’s just so unfair, I guess she’ll take it to the grave. But I do love the holidays, I listen to Christmas music the whole time and I’m enjoying eating cookies and drinking egg nog. Let’s hope my husband gets me that Zumba game for the PS3 cause I’m going to need it. I just love the closeness, this is our first Christmas as a newlywed couple so we’re spending it alone just like we did for Thanksgiving. Now I know Santa won’t be here to give us gifts but the child in me loves the idea of Santa and who he is and what he does. There have been some stories in the news about people being Santas for folks during this holiday because of the recession. Paying off people’s layaways at stores and things and I think that kind of giving is grand. I’ve been feeling generous myself, I’m so blessed so it’s nice to bless others. That’s what the season brings out in me, I hope this feeling last all year long. Santa baby, we love you and thanks for all the swell pictures over the years. Here’s to my man, Santa Claus!

Wouldn’t that be nice to see under the Christmas tree, LOL!

Throwback Post-Sometimes…It’s You

This blog entry is from January 4, 2011 and it’s one of my best I think. 

I’m going to be writing a regular blog post entitled “Sometimes…” with words following that happen sometimes and hopefully that may impart wisdom onto someone. I love passing on and I love gaining wisdom. I don’t think people listen enough and they definitely talk too much. So the little bit of wisdom I have I’ve decided to pass on to those who will listen. Now, this may not help some people but for those who can use it, please take it and make the most of it. This week’s post is concerning, maybe it’s just you.

As a woman who has date interracially, mostly white men but other races also, I get a lot of request for advice on how to snag a white guy. Really, I have no idea; white men are not some aliens that you need special instructions on how to handle. They are men like any other man and for the most part react and do whatever it is men do. For me most men consist in large doses of what we call ego, even the most soft-spoken, sweetest, gentlest man in the world will go all ego caveman on you when the right buttons are pressed. So when black women ask me, how I’ve come to date all these guys of varying hues I usually just say ‘because I wanted to’. There’s really no magic bullet when it comes to dating interracially, I’m kind of tired of people saying there is. All things with dating and mating are up to you. I dated my ex-husband for almost 3 years before we got married, still got divorced because we were just not the people that belonged in a marriage together. It wasn’t that he was no good or I was no good, we just weren’t good for each other. Now, that did not make me want to stop dating white men, usually we have always had more in common than most other men I’ve dated. So I learned a lesson, did some self-reflection, tried to overcome those things that were not useful about myself (I’m still doing that) and moved on to date/mate again. As you know I met someone wonderful, Matt, and this year we are getting married.
See isn’t he cute, just look at that face makes me want to eat him up with a spoon. Don’t mind me cheesing on the side.

But before I met him and after my divorce, I dated a little. I had not dated in almost 12 years an the last time I had I ended up with my ex-husband so maybe I had skills that needed honing. When I first started to date, I just had the worst luck ever with men. They had problems and wanted me to join them in those hot messes and try to make the most of it. I was so not onboard with that, uh-unh! I decided after a couple of really bum experiences to look at the one common denominator in this factor, although the men I dated had changed (in appearance and name); something about ME was still the same. There was something going on with me that I would attract people that I didn’t want in my life. Something about me kept attracting these folks, who were either wishy-washy about committing, at least committing to me or men who were narcissistic, hell I’d just gotten rid of a narcissist, my ex-husband, I didn’t want another one or wanting me to come and play co-dependent with them. I had to do somethng about me.

Now in the scheme of things doing something about you is just so much easier than trying to change the world. So when I hear women, especially black women complain about not being able to find quality men of varying hues because they live in (insert whatever city) or the men are not man enough to speak up to make a move or they as women aren’t the right weight or height or skin hue or don’t have the politically correct hair I call ‘Shenanigans’ (that my way of saying BS). When I say ‘it’s you’ I don’t mean it’s the outer you, I mean it’s the inner you, although there is nothing wrong with improving your outer self. I have seen combinations of men and women that sometime make me look twice and wonder how that happened but I really get to know them; I see how it’s the inner person that hooked the other person and even I get charmed by their attractiveness. In our world of attempting to shift blame to everyone but ourselves when things go wrong, we have lost our power to improve those things that we can. I’m not saying everything in your life is your fault, many times it’s not but many things you can change to make things better for yourself. I mean doing some deep soul-searching, no one ever wants to be introspective and it takes a lot of courage to do it. This searching could reveal what you may be attracting and what you’re not attracting. Like attracts like, that’s my take on the universe. Not just in looks but like in character. When I decided to look at myself and not look at outsiders, I empowered myself to be different, react differently and I still have to challenge myself about that daily. Being busy changing the outside or surroundings hoping to attract the man of your dreams is a waste of time, when you keep the inside the exactly the same. And please don’t say ‘well I’m nice, fit, good-looking, what’s wrong with me?’ That’s a cop out and certainly not going deep enough. We all have things about us that are useless, we can be vindictive, mean, jealous, controlling, always wanting to be right, dismissive, cold, petty, bitter, bad attitude, unfriendly, arrogant, prideful, weak, passive, confused and that’s just scratching the surface. No one is perfect but if you feel like you have an issue, maybe you ought to seek help in trying to change it. I don’t care how you do it, but change is a good thing. This world cannot be ‘my way or the highway’. You just cannot move to a new city or country thinking it’s all going to be groovy and gravy when your inner self is still the same, because when you move, when you change your hair, when you lose weight, THE INNER YOU IS STILL PRESENT. That hasn’t changed unless you’ve decided to change it. If you’re not having the love life you desire, I’m gone put that on you because that’s the way it’s going to change.

Hair is Not Magical

As most women I have a love/not so love relationship with my hair. I know many black women have that also, we have a sad and tragic history regarding our hair and instead of breaking from that history and defining these strings that come out of our head on our terms many of us have decided to give hair magical powers, so not only does it have destructive tendencies when it comes to our self-esteem and self-confidence we have now assigned it magical powers. You know hair can’t be as much as we’d like to pretend it can be. My own personal hair has been lots of styles, the only styles I’m not particularly comfortable with are sew and glue in weave and wigs. Nothing personal to the women who wear them, it’s just not for me. I know part of BWE is helping black women feel better about themselves and their right to make decisions on their own terms. I applaud that but I cannot stand by and applaud all the weirdness about hair and it’s magical or destructive powers. I know we all feel better when we look better and ‘look better’ is really objective to me. What I think makes me look better, may be totally abhorrent for someone else and vice versa. When I ended my marriage I had natural hair and I didn’t have it because I wanted to show people how proud I was of my natural beauty but because I was so fucking depressed and panic and anxiety ridden, cutting off my hair was way to have control it also released me from having to deal with my hair which at that point I couldn’t do. Once I left my ex-husband I started to feel better but not because my hair was natural, no, but because I’d let a burden go, my ex-husband, I felt free, I was gaining back the self-confidence that he’d ripped from me. The hair didn’t matter, it was the inner me that mattered. I’ve heard talk that having natural hair is letting people know you love yourself, listen at the end of that marriage I wasn’t loving myself and my hair was natural. I’ve had it natural before and I was feeling good about myself but it wasn’t because my hair was natural it was because I was doing something in my life that made me feel good. I think that exuded from me regardless of what the hair was looking like. Now my hair is relaxed I’m very happy with who I am, I don’t want to be accused of hating myself because I relax hair, I don’t want to be praised for loving myself if I go back to natural. Because I’ve seen black women with natural, nappy, straight, curly, weave, braids, wigs, locs, and afros who loved and hated themselves in each of those hair states. The reason was not due to magical hair, it was due to who they were on the inside. The talk that non-black men will come running to you depending on what type of hair style you have is just bunk and too much damn thought goes into this. I’m not hating on naturalistas, do what makes you comfortable it’s your hair and I’m not trying to promote that you get a relaxer, that’s for me, that’s my thing at this moment. At this point in my life if I had nappy naps or straight weave down to my butt, I’d still feel good about who I am on the inside because of the of my self-confidence and that is what matters. That also shows in so many other significant ways besides my damn hair. As much power as we give hair, yes we give it power because it has none on it’s own, we need to take it back and give ourselves power to be proud of whatever is on our heads. I’m sick of this discussion, I’m sick of women with relaxers hating on naturals, I’m sick of naturals trying shame women with weaves and relaxers, I’m sick of all the false superiority that a bunch of black women are having because they style their hair a certain way. It’s just hair, it is not the be all, end all of all time. And for God’s sake whatever you have on her head figure out how to take care it that’s my pet peeve. Let’s please get some perspective.

Emotional Abuse As A Quilt

When I say quilt, I don’t mean to imply that there is anything warm, comforting, or snuggly about emotional abuse. I mean that emotional abuse has patterns like a quilt, there are patterns in abuse. In emotional abuse there are several patterns, emotional abusers may use one, some or all of these patterns but what they do they do clearly and consistently, not once in awhile. If you’ve been emotionally abused you may recognize some of these and if not pay attention so if you ever see them used against you in a consistent manner you can take back control and remove yourself from the toxic relationship.

One of the patterns of abuse is domination, which is the attempt to control another person’s actions. The person who tries to dominate another person has a tremendous need to have their own way and will resort to threats in order to get it. Domineering behavior includes order a partner around; monitoring time and activities; restricting resources (finances, telephone); restricting social activities; isolating a partner from their family or friends, interfering with opportunities (job, education, medical care); excessive jealousy or possessiveness; throwing objects; threatening to harm a partner or a partner’s children, family, friends, pets, or property; abusing a partner’s children, parents, or pets in front of them; and forcing or coercing a partner into illegal activity.

Verbal assaults are another pattern of abuse, which includes berating, belittling, criticizing, humiliating, name-calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, shaming, using sarcasm in cutting ways, or expressing disgust toward a person. This kind of abuse is damaging to a person’s self-esteem and self-image. It assaults the mind and spirit, causing wounds that can be difficult to heal. Yelling and screaming is not only demeaning but frightening as well, when people do this we may become afraid that they will resort to physical violence. Verbal abuse may also include withholding, countering, discounting, verbal abuse disguised as jokes, blocking and diverting, accusing, judging, trivializing, forgetting, ordering, denial, and abusive anger.

Constant criticism/continual blaming is another pattern of abuse, this can be characterized on it’s own because it may happen without any other form of abuse taking place and describe an entire relationship. When someone is unrelentingly critical of you, always find fault, can never be pleased, and blames you for everything that goes wrong, it is the insidious nature and cumulative effects of the abuse that do the damage. Over time, this type of abuse eats away at your self-confidence. Over time, this type of abuse eats away at your self confidence and sense of self-worth, undermining any good feelings you have about your accomplishments. When a partner overtly criticizes and screams and yells, it’s easy to come the conclusion that your being emotionally abused, but when your partner puts you down under the guise of humor, it can be extremely difficult to come to this realization.

Abusive expectations is another pattern of abuse where your partner places unreasonable demands upon you. These can include expecting a partner to put aside everything in order to satisfy your needs, demanding a partner’s undivided attention, demanding constant sex, or requiring a partner to spend all of his or her time with you. A partner like this will never be pleased because there is always something more you could have done. You’re likely to be subjected to constant criticism and to be berated because you don’t fulfill their needs.

Emotional blackmail is another pattern of abuse and one of the most powerful forms of manipulation. It occurs when one partner either conciously or unconciously coerces the other into doing what they want by playing on their partner’s fear, guilt, or compassion. Examples of this are one partner threatening to end a relationship if they don’t get what they want and one partner distancing or rejecting a partner until they give in to their demands. If your partner withholds sex or affection or give you the silent treatment or the cold shoulder whenever they are displeased with you, threatens to find someone else, or uses other fear tactics to get you under control, they are using emotional blackmail.

The following are signs you may be getting emotionally blackmailed:

  • Your partner asks you to choose between something you want to do and them.
  • Your partner tries to make you feel like you are selfish or a bad person if you do something they don’t want you do to do.
  • Your partner asks you to give up something or someone as a way of proving your love for them.
  • Your partner threatens to leave you if you don’t change.
  • Your partner threatens to withhold money or access to money unless you do something they have requested. 

Unpredictable responses is another pattern of abuse which includes drastic mood swings, sudden emotional outburst for no apparent reason and inconsistent responses such as, reacting very differently at various times to the same behavior, saying one thing one day and the opposite the next, or frequently changing one’s mind. It’s disconcerting and abusive because the partner is constantly on edge. They are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they never feel like they know what is expected of them. Living with someone who is like this extremely demanding and anxiety provoking–you feel constantly frightened, unsettled, and off balance and that you must remain hypervigilant, waiting for your partner’s next outburst or change of mood. This behavior is common with alcohol and drug abusers who can exhibit one personality when sober and a totally different one when intoxicated or high. It can also be an indication of mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, or certain personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder (i.e. Narcissistic Personality Disorder) which cause a person to have drastic shifts in mood, to have emotional outbursts (sudden anger, overwhelming fear, or anxiety attacks), or to react unpredictably. Finally, it can be characteristic of those who suffer from PTSD or a disassociative disorder.
Constant chaos/creating crisis is similar to unpredictable responses because it makes you feel unsettled and off balance, it is specifically characterized by continual upheavals and discord. If your partner deliberately starts arguments with you or others or seems to be in a constant conflict with others, he or she may be ‘addicted to drama.’ Creating chaos provides excitement for some people, especially those who are uneasy with silence, those who distract themselves from their own problems by focusing outward, those who feel empty inside and need to fill themselves up with activity, and those who were raised in an environment in which harmony and peace were unknown quantities. This can also indicate a Borderline Personality Disorder.
Character assassination involves constantly blowing someone’s mistakes out of proportion, humiliating, criticizing, or making fun of someone in front of others, or discounting another person’s achievements. It can also include lying about someone in order to negatively affect others’ opinion of them and gossiping about a person’s failures and mistakes with others. In addition to the pain this behavior can cause a person on a personal level, it can ruin someone’s personal and professional reputation, causing them to lose friends, jobs, or even their family.
Gaslighting, which I’m sure a couple of you are familiar with, comes from the movie Gaslight, in which a husband uses a variety of insidious ways to make his wife doubt her perceptions, her memory and her very sanity. A partner who does this may continually deny that certain events took place or that they said something you both know they said, they may suggest you are exaggerating or lying. In this way, the abusive person may be trying to gain control over you or to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. This is done very consciously and deliberately. It is sometimes used by those who need to discredit their partner in order to get access to their money, in order to turn others against them, or a way to justify the abuser’s own inappropriate, cruel or abusive behavior.
Sexual harassment, usually refers to sexual coercion in the workplace but you can be sexually harassed by a partner. It consists of unwelcome sexual advances or any physical or verbal conduct of a sexual nature that is uninvited and unwelcome. Whenever a partner is pressured into becoming sexual against their will, whether it’s because they don’t feel like being sexual at the time or don’t choose that person as  a sexual partner, it is a form of emotional abuse called sexual harassment. It is also considered sexual harassment to try to force a partner into engaging in sexual acts that they have no interest in or that upset or repulse them. This usually goes hand in hand with unreasonable expectations, constant criticism, name-calling, and emotional blackmail.
Now we’ve all been guilty of some of these on occasion that’s just a part of being human but emotional abuse has a clear and consistent pattern. It’s not considered abusive unless:
  • It is constant, as opposed to occasional.
  • The intent is to devalue or deingrate rather than simply to state a complaint.
  • The intent is dominate and control rather than to provide constructive criticism.
  • The person has an overall attitude of disrespect toward you, rather than just not liking something specific that you are doing.

Now I must say of the list that I’ve put above in my ex-marriage I suffered domination, verbal assaults, constant criticism/continual blaming, unpredictable responses, constant chaos/creating crisis, character assassination (particularly after I told him I wanted a divorce), and gaslighting at the hands of my ex-husband and he did them all sometimes overtly (openly demeaning) and sometimes covertly (more subtle). Actually he was a master of the gaslight. When I read these I started to realize that I had been a victim of malevolent abuse, where one partner is bent on undermining or even destroying the other, when one partner is so angry or envious or so full of hate that they deliberately and maliciously set out to sabotage a partner’s success, health, or happiness. It’s sad to think of now but I’m glad I understand what it is and how it works. But as sad as it is to think that this was probably going on in my marriage, I’m so thankful that I realized something was wrong and got the hell out of Dodge. I wasn’t positive what it was at the time but I always had a sinking feeling it was something horrible and what I’m discovering now was what I suspected then, it was horrible and he’s bad person.

Information and excerpts taken from: Engel, Beverly, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2002

I’ll be back next week with continuing my series with a blog on narcissistic personality disorder (NPDs) in love relationships, it ties in very closely with this blog post. Please come back and read it.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Jim Caviezel

Yes, it’s Hot Jesus! Yea and that’s what I call him. Don’t be offended, God has a sense of humor because I have one too. Oh he’s just so fine to me,  I love him. I haven’t seen the Passion of the Christ, some stuff is just emotional for me to watch. It’s too much I’d probably be weeping through the whole movie and I hate crying at movies. But I have seen him in The Count of Monte Cristo, the first movie I ever noticed him in. I know he did that movie with J. Lo but whatever, the Count was the movie. I was so awestruck by his gorgeousness and his hair was just killer, I had a boyfriend in my 20s with hair like that. He is hot and sexy and he’s from Mount Vernon, Washington which is like an hour from my house. Mt. Vernon is a great town. I mean he’s Washingtonian what is there not to like about him. He’s sweet and handsome and he’s a damn good actor. He’s currently starring in a CBS tv show called Person of Interest, Taraji P. Henson is also starring in it. I haven’t seen it, I wonder if they have some hot scenes together probably not. But back to the hot man at hand, I really do think he’s just a looker with those stunning light eyes. I’m a sucker for the ones with the pretty eyes. And I must say again, his hair in The Count of Monte Cristo should have gotten it’s own blog it was so beautiful but alas we must worship the whole package and I’m more than willing to do that. So may I present, hot Jesus, Jim Caviezel!


Throwback Post: Black Women Be More Like Black Men

This blog was originally posted on January 24, 2011.

Whoa! Hold on, you say. That sounds like terrible advice but in one aspect of life, black men have it over black women. What aspect is that? Dating. Yes, plain and simple black women need to take a lesson from black men on dating, this one lesson. Date whoever you want and don’t give a rat’s behind what other folks think about it. I live in Seattle and it’s big on interracial and intercultural dating, it does it big time. When I first moved here almost 20 years ago I noticed something, many black men were swirling it up in this town and not concerned about who gave them the side-eye. It’s just been a recent phenomenon that black women have been doing this in Seattle, they haven’t reached the levels of black men in the Seattle area but I do notice more and more black women dating interracially. Black men have been dating interracially a long time and just are not very concerned about what folks are thinking, particularly black women. I’ve always thought that a set of people who are real joyous in their interracial relationships, not giving a hoot about the world are black men and white women. I’m not writing this because I’m mad that black men date out and are lovin’ it. Man, I just wish black women would take on this same feeling about interracial dating.
Black women do more hand-wringing and worrying about what people are going to think if they just say they are attracted to non-bm, let’s not even talk about when they decide they might to want to date one. As black women we seem concerned about everyone’s feelings but our own. All skeeved out because of the family, friends, co-workers, black men, black women, the black community, our church, and just strangers on the street. Goodness gracious, why oh why aren’t we more concerned about our own happiness. There are websites dedicated to helping black women pursue their own self-interest and there are a lot of them. I find it absolutely amazing and mind-boggling that someone has to try to tell a set of grown women, maybe you need think of your own happiness before others.
I was perusing the boob tube last night and caught an episode of one of my favorite shows, I don’t get to see it as much as I’d like but I do enjoy ‘What Chili Wants’ on VH1. Last night’s episode had a particularly good scene where Chili was licking some wounds after finding out the really hot Brazilian race car driver, she was beginning to like, still had some baggage (old girlfriend) he had not rid himself of. She and her ‘love’ advisor Tionna Smalls had gone to a bridal shop where Tionna was trying on wedding dresses for her upcoming nuptials. Tionna was standing in a bridal gown on the pedestal lamenting to Chili how she wasn’t pursuing the ‘brothas’ anymore and how disappointed she was, yea boo effing hoo! Chili told her calmly but definitively that she’s always dated this way, she’d always dated all different races of men and what she wanted she looked on the inside to find not the outside. To which Tionna decided to try go all superior on her and explain why black men are so awesome and why no other man but a black can satisfy her and a bunch of other really childish rhetoric which all centered around the guy’s penis and not how the guy treated her. It was quite ridiculous, to which Chili replied ‘well, how do you know? How do you know you don’t like white guys, you’ve never been with one?’ Then Tionna decided to backpedal a little from her stupidity and say she wasn’t really attracted to white men, which is fine, if that’s it just say that’s it. But don’t start bragging about a man’s dick and think it should be enough for a woman to go all gaga over him. Then Chili said something I really hope a lot of black women heard, especially those that may be sitting on the fence about dating interracially. She said, that she dated any man she liked because that’s what black men do, they date who they want to date women of all races. Tionna had to agree with her on that because all you have to do is look around and see the truth in that and then Chili said that was also what white women did, dated whomever they were attracted to and two white chicks in the store had to nod in agreement. And yes, to all the black women, that’s what black men and white women both do, they date who they are attracted to and they don’t apologize, justify, or qualify why they are dating them to anyone. Black women, if you’re doing this, you need to stop. This is your life, stop straddling the fence trying to figure out whether or not you want it to be happy. I’ve always dated white men, although I find all races of men can contain some hotties I’ve just really always liked white guys. I’ve never worried how this affects other people or whether they will approve of my choices and I think people hold a level of respect for me because I don’t go around trying to make everyone feel okay with MY choice. I don’t begrudge anyone happiness and as I said above I’m not mad at black men because they date out and aren’t concerned about what I think as a black woman, they shouldn’t be, my opinion on what they do shouldn’t matter. I’m never offended and feel like they are snubbing me or it’s a reflection or affront to me, because it isn’t and if I thought it was then there would be something about me that’s narcissistic and weird and I ain’t going there. So yes this is my choice.
I don’t ask anyone to explain theirs to me and I feel no obligation to explain mine to anyone. I suggest black women take a note from black men about IR dating, stop worrying what everybody thinks. A lot of white men and other non-black men are really interested in dating black women, but we’re our own worst enemies. Don’t ditch interracial dating just because you got your heart broke once by a white guy, that’s life not every man is going to be Mr. It and besides I don’t see black women doing that when a black guy breaks their heart. So ladies, yes it’s time to put on your big girl panties and start looking out for your own best interest the way black men do, ladies please take a lesson.