Please Do Not Be Intimidated

Coming to west coast and dating non-bm will mean that the guy you probably date has dated across the racial spectrum. Black women don’t be intimidated by that.


11 thoughts on “Please Do Not Be Intimidated

  1. Great vlog…and we love you back! I think a lot of bw struggle with feelings of inferiority b/c we receive so many negative messages from the media, bc, bm….just to name a few. But we are becoming more empowered by reading blogs like yours that remind us that we aren’t inferior in any type of way. Btw…I love your confidence.

    • I’m glad I know it’s tough when ppl have been giving you negative messages all your life. But I’m here to tell bw, you are inferior to no one. You’d only be inferior b/c of your attitude not b/c of your looks. Glamdoll I didn’t get this confidence over night I’ve struggled too, never with feeling inferior but sometimes feeling awkward about myself and how I fit in. But now I realize I’m not born to fit in, I’m born to stand out. I embrace that now and it’s nice.

  2. From my experience non-black people who date Black people (men or women), do so exclusively with non-blacks or exclusively with Black people. But then again, I live in the South. But interesting video. I have heard the West Coast is very colorist and classist. Most non-Black men are open to “dating” and “experienmenting” with the whole sprectcum of women in Cali. But as far as acceptiblity White men prefer MARRYING White or Asian women and Latinos prefer Latinas and White women, and the Black men prefer anything non-Black……….lol. Just what Im hearing! Not trying to be a party crasher or debbie downer.

    • Well yes that’s true. It’s not really classist. But most bm make no qualms about their preference for dating non-bw. But don’t matter to me since I don’t date black men and make no qualms about my preference for wm and other non-bm. As for white men, they date everything and everybody. I know bw seem to think that they have a preference for Asian women on this coast but I don’t see that personally. Maybe because I’m not looking for it, you seem to have an inferiority complex and that’s too bad. I don’t feel inferior to other non-bw. I’m just worried about me and my guy, you only need one guy you don’t need every guy to love you. That’s one thing I don’t understand about bw, why so many of us seem to want everyone to love us and we get so down on ourselves when everyone doesn’t love us. Don’t worry about the ones that don’t want you just the ones that do. And there are a lot of those honey, I’m a witness.

    • Yea on the West Coast they actually don’t. It was a discovery for me too. But I was just advising for women who are thinking of moving out here, that they can’t be intimidated by that. Because I know of blk women who do not want to date wm when they may have dated other races and ethnicities.

  3. That is true — I have never thought about it that way. The white men that I have dated, I am not sure if they dated across the spectrum. They probably did, because they seem to be more open-minded in general about everything. But I never really sat down and asked them. I make it a policy not to reveal too many details about exes (mine or his) that early on much less their race, because frankly it has nothing to do with me. Also if the last relationship ended badly, they are almost always going to make themselves the victim. So why bother? Re: comparing yourself to other women, I recently wrote a blog post about that — maybe some of your readers might be interested? I don’t want to post a link without your permission.

    Off topic, but I am really curious about Seattle — it seems to be my cup of tea. This year I will be getting out of Florida where I live and I’m most likely heading to NYC. But I’d definitely love to visit (can you believe I’ve never been to the West Coast before?) and maybe even live in the future if I find that I like it. When is the best time of the year to visit? I hear summer’s best, but I always think it’s a good idea to visit during the winter to get a good feel for it.

        • I love it and you’re right you are your own competition. You know I glean things from ppl I admire, what they do, some things they may practice in their life, even the way they dress, I love how the FLOTUS dresses, loves it! But I never compare myself to other women, that wasn’t who I was made to be. I used to think that I’d see qualities in ppl that I needed but not so much any more. I’m kind of practical and I thought that was useless and kind of stodgy but really someone needs to be practical, we can’t all live with our head in the clouds. What I have is what I need to have, if I need something more I’ll gain it. Women are so busy trying to compete they lose all that is unique and could possibly draw someone special to them. If everyone is ‘special’ then no one is special.

      • Thank you for reading it and I am glad you liked it! 🙂

        For sure, there is *definitely* a difference between gleaning something from someone you admire and competing with them to be exactly like them or slightly “better” than them!

    • Oh and about Seattle, it’s a great town but I always tell ppl to visit in the summer and in the winter to gauge how much you can stand the weather. Visiting in the summer will give a false taste of weather. Our seasons are extremely different. Don’t worry about the rain millions of ppl live her in the rain and no one melts.

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