Wherever You Go, There YOU Are

Yes wherever you go, you always show up. So before you make a big move to find the IR love of your life in so-called swirling sanctuary, you might want to do some self-analysis.

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13 thoughts on “Wherever You Go, There YOU Are

  1. I still think that some places downright TERRIBLE for dating, even if you do have a good/conducive mindset. But it is mostly subjective. It depends a lot on your personality and your goals, for example — if you are not into partying/nightlife and trying to get married early, it *may* be a little harder to find a serious man in those tourist trap cities. If you are into exploring the world and trying new, cultured thing, then it’s probably harder to find someone in Podunk, Nowhereville. Granted, you still can find a good person anywhere, but sometimes moving does expand your options. Sometimes moving forces you to change your mindset and try new things (although not always).

    That said, I totally get your point. If you have a bad attitude towards men and dating in one place, chances are you’re going to have it everywhere. I also agree that it’s not the best idea just to move because of the dating potential. I would have to like the place I am moving to first, for myself. I wouldn’t move away from a place that I love just because I am having a hard time meeting men, I’d probably just try to change my strategy/mindset. I’m with you on that.

    Thanks for the tips on Seattle, btw. I have heard of the 9 months of overcast weather lol.

    • I am speaking from a general view of dating btw and not IR. I tend to think that if you consistently have trouble dating in your own race, then you’ll probably have a lot of problems dating IR no matter what location it is in. I have dated BM but I’m similar to you because I feel that have a whole lot in common with many BM. The small group of BM that I know are very good, marriage-material men, so I’m convinced that finding a good guy is about your mindset, the amount of self-respect you have, and your standards. No specific place will do that work/weeding out for you.

    • Like I said if you’re together and it’s still not happening and you’ve always wanted to move to (insert city here) then I say do it. Moving to a new town especially if you don’t know a lot of ppl can be tough. I have a bunch of family up here. But if you’re adventurous why the hell not.

  2. Great video! I think that moving and exploring different places is all about an individual adventure that a woman definitely needs to do. The dating scene, especially IR is just the icing on the cake. If you are shy in one state, you will probably be shy in another. Now I think that moving does grow you up especially if that means you are moving alone. To push isolation away, there is definitely a need to go out more often and do things that you maybe wouldn’t have done where you came from. It could be a good way to learn about yourself and what works for you.

  3. Great vlog! I hope that more women will realize that they are fantasizing when they think that they’re going to live happily ever after with a white guy. Relocating is something that you should do b/c that’s what you want to do, not for the sole purpose of meeting white guys. If you have issues with your self esteem you’ll be taking those issues to whatever part of the world you decide to relocate to. White guys are just like any other guy…..women need to learn the importance of vetting and self love.

    • Yes, I know a lot of women who keep asking me about the dating prospects with white men out here. Although they are good, that doesn’t mean they’ll be falling at your feet either especially if you have issues of your own. I just did this vlog b/c I don’t want to perpetuate this and have poor women moving out here and then finding they don’t like and the man aren’t coming fast and furious. Because another thing I have to say, men here are some boo’d up men LOL. I’ve never seen a place were so many are in relationship and marriages and committed. There are lots of single men but a lot of them are not.

  4. Good video again!

    Obviously, I think it’s great for black women to explore their options and see new areas of the country or the world. And yes, some areas might indeed be better for relationships and marriage, PERIOD. (For example, a lot of what I read and hear from friends in New York City shows that although it’s a great place for dating, people do NOT want to settle down there until almost their late 30s/early 40s… so if you want to marry earlier, NYC might not be the place for you!)

    But, if you have negative traits and behaviors that tend to destroy every relationship you’re in (or prevent you from getting in a relationship in the first place), moving to a supposed IR-haven is NOT going to change anything!

    I’ve lived in the Midwest and the South. Dated IR in both places. I have family in California and on the East Coast. From what I’ve noticed, the black women who do well dating IR in any of these places are the types of women who spread their wings beyond the black-only community and move in integrated circles. So even if they live in a city that’s 65% black, if they have an integrated social life, they have few problems dating and marrying IR. (This is not everyone, but just thinking of some I know.) However, if they are stuck withing the black-community only mindset, even if they are on the West Coast, they talk about “how hard” it is to date IR… but yet, their social circles are segregated and they wonder why non-black men don’t approach them.

    So, I believe in blooming wherever you’re planted, and if you do decide to move one day, have a plan in mind and don’t just assume that because you’re going to one of those “top places to date IR,” that it will automatically be better. Just sayin’

    • Oh you just wrote a blog right there. I agree 100% although Seattle is a good place to swirl I didn’t move here for the swirl potential that just happened to be a bonus. I moved here b/c I love this place, I really do love this city and it has changed me in a good way I believe. And although Seattle doesn’t have a large number of black ppl, what I noticed when I moved here was that all the black ppl seem to know each other when they’re from here. They move in the same circles. So many of the bw were always having issues finding dates b/c these bm are not feeling bw at all. So many of the blk women I knew were single and stayed single or married some low brow bm. If you segregate wherever you are, yes that’s what will happen. Going outside your comfort zone is what black women have to do wherever they are.

      • About 12-15 years ago, when I wasn’t really thinking about IR dating (not because I didn’t want to, but just because I was living a more segregated life), I heard black women talking about Seattle with such disdain and nearly spitting on the ground when they mentioned it. Why? Because it was supposedly the home of BM dating WW (or HW or AW). There was some joke they even told about how a WW would be waiting for a brotha as soon as he got off the plane in Seattle.

        So in my mind I was thinking, “Seattle, no bueno for me.” But then another part of me wondered, well, uh, do the WM/AM/HM in Seattle not date BW?

        Fast forward a few years and I run into people like you and others online who are showing that they’re dating and marrying IR just fine in all of these supposedly “bad” places… but too many BW in Seattle are still crying the blues about it being a terrible place to date and how they’re going to move to Atlanta where they can find a good black man and all that…

        My point is just reiterating what you said… there’s so much going on with people’s mindsets and socialization choices. If those BW don’t want to date IR, hey, that’s their thing. But to live a segregated life — whether in Seattle, Portland, Cleveland, Boston, Cedar Rapids (LOL) or Phoenix — and then complain that you can’t date IR, well the problem might not be the city at all!

        • OMG LOL why have I heard these conversations here. Yes when we got here my bestie and I met these women all the time. They were always moaning about the bm not wanting them. They didn’t understand why weren’t moaning about it. I date wm so I could care less who bm were dating, didn’t make me feel anything. I wondered why they didn’t date other non-bm but it was some sister soldiers here for a long time but I’m seeing less and less of that. Now when they talk other bw are look at them like they’re stupid b/c they are. You don’t know how many bw I meet going to the land of milk and honey for blk ppl dating, Atlanta and got down there and got the shock of their lives. With them DL bm and colorist and just plain old dogs. Me and the bestie never quite understood that either being from the south I knew what dating was like down there, I thought ‘you broads are ridiculous’ one went down there and came back with some uncurable STD. SMH.

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