This blog post was published on February 5, 2011. And my husband stopped smoking with no nagging from me.
In the article JC Davies wrote on her blog, Racy JC, about Matt and I she said something that was worth noting. She said something about nagging, what a terrible thing it was for women to do to men (that’s true vice-versa also). I must agree, I don’t nag Matt…much. But really with him I’ve decided to use an old stand-by strategy that works, pick my battles. I learned from my marriage that sometimes you have to pick your battles and pick them carefully. Everything should not turn into an episode of WWE Smackdown or go all Thunderdome. With my ex-husband every minor disagreement would disintegrate into a huge argument, so huge that at the end I was wondering ‘what the hell were we fighting about’. I was never discriminating in picking my battles with him, everything was a battle and it was tiring and created a lot of tension and resentment. Now, I’m not saying Matt doesn’t have some small habits that drive me nuts, yes he does. I’m sure your man does or your man will. But constantly nagging him about little stuff I have learned from dealing with my ex really only makes men do one of two things, get really angry with you or go all passive-aggressive. Men do have a tendency to be passive-aggressive. So when you complain about their habits instead of the trying to stop the habit, they do it more just to piss you off. Again, I know this from experience, a really bad one.
So, no, nagging does not work, usually with Matt I try to go at it logically (men like logic) why he should maybe stop doing something, appeal to something in him that will make him to want to change. He smokes, I’m not a fan of smoking but I don’t go all wacko when he does, he leaves his clothes on the floor, really I’m not gonna raise my blood pressure because he has a shirt and pants on the floor, I just walk over it. Those sorts of little things that a lot of women find absolutely nerve-wracking are not battle worthy. Women waste good time and energy fussing about stuff, he’s never planning on changing at most points this just who you got if you don’t like him as he is, let him go. That will definitely save you energy and rid you of the problem. But do not expect that nagging and his love for you is going make him change, change has to come from within, people have to want to change themselves. And please again, stop asking love to do the impossible because most people love themselves more than they love you.
The things that I find battle worthy are extremely important to me like being respectful of my feelings, not taking me for granted, or being considerate and those are things I try to emulate in this relationship. If those start to deteriorate, I may be getting ready to put my battle plan into motion. But really little things, aren’t worth the headache of going all bonkers over and to tell the truth, men really appreciate it so much that many of the small things you were once nagging them about they just start to do themselves because they want to show their love and appreciation for you. Matt is trying to stop smoking again as a wedding gift for me, I’m so pleased with decision but still I’m not going to nag him about it because if I do that’s the day his wedding gift to me will be returned. I can’t tell you exactly what will be battle worthy for you in your relationship but I will say don’t sweat the small stuff. If you have man that loves you, takes good care of you, treats you well, and all around pretty good guy, cut him slack on those little things because if you don’t some other woman will.