My Right to Un-claim Baggage

Yes whatever lunacy some black people have going on, I’ve made a decision not to claim it.

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7 thoughts on “My Right to Un-claim Baggage

  1. I was thinking, I now read about half of the blogs that I used to be avid about. Moreover, I almost never participate in the comments sections much less read all of them- unless I’m really interested. Its sometimes just too much information, too many opinions, everyone has their own $.02 thus making it difficult for you to determine your own voice.

    • I had to do that too, too many ppl, too much noise and the person I knew myself to be was getting lost. I started to second guess myself on some things, that did not require second guessing. I’m okay just as I am and the things I find useless about me, I’m trying to do something about but I am not going to let ppl who don’t know me or what’s best for me make any determinations.

  2. AMEN!

    I am NOT everywoman, I can only be me. You are the key to your own empowerment. Being the best you that you can be and being happy.

    I already said it on my own blog: I am an individualist and I am not about to jump through hoops to fit any type of perception of what it means to be an empowered black woman.

    “If that’s not you, why would you claim it?”

    This is a good question. I think the fear is that if they don’t say anything (put forth a disclaimer), other people will assume that it’s the truth.

    I actually was of the mind that speaking out about ignorant behavior that gets broadcasted might be good for educating other people about stereotype, until I drew the conclusion that (1) I do not have the time or the energy to do for other people what they can do for themselves and (2) it is a false assumption that the best way to defeat a stereotype is to make ANY connection between yourself and that stereotype.

    I think you made a great point about the flip-side: Claiming someone else’s success because of both being black. This is hilarious because so many people do this. I guess people don’t know to tie their self-esteem to who they are as an individuals rather than relying on a need to belong.

    • That’s why I like you Toni b/c you stand in your individuality, I’ve always noticed that about you. Although I can disagree with folks on stuff, I admire when ppl stand in who they are w/o having to excuse or explain it. As a bw I’ve always been outside the box in many areas so I thought when I found BWE I found a place where I could be myself. The sad part was with many BWE sites what was happening was it was another form of group thinking. Uh-unh I left that, I didnt want that and I did not find that empowering. I just want BW to best of who they are, not who I want them to be. Because it works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you. Yes, I stopped trying to play against stereotype, I was never the stereotype in the first place so why was I wasting my time trying so hard to play against it. I don’t pass on bad news about bw, enough of the soul-snatching stories. Stuff like that is not adding to anyone’s life, why would I pass it on. My job has never been to make ppl feel worse about themselves, that is not helpful and definitely not empowering.

      • True, true. We all disagree on different things. This is why I try to have a “agree to disagree” philosophy a lot of the time. If I feel one way, and you feel another, and neither of us are gonna change our minds…what’s the point of wasting all that time arguing?

        “The sad part was with many BWE sites what was happening was it was another form of group thinking.”

        Yeah, I pretty much came to that conclusion awhile back. It’s like anything where you get that many people together and a segment expects you to conform to a narrow, uncompromising, and rather esoteric line of thinking: People are turned off and walk away. Or at the very least, keep their distance.

        You know, I realized reading this comment that aside from the articles I’ve seen posted about on certain BW/BWE-centric sites, I’ve NEVER gone out of my way to look for articles or stats on how BW “stack up” so to speak. I think my indifference stems from the fact that those numbers and research findings do not play into who I am and how I see myself. So I don’t care. I’d like to see less black women care as well.

        • But the reason you don’t feel that way is b/c you see yourself as an individual. Because you do and that doesn’t reflect your reality it’s not your truth. Many times truth is relative, I’ve seen some of those articles passed around on BWE/BWIR sites myself and I couldn’t relate. I have never had a struggle finding non-bm to date, maybe finding a date but it had nothing to do w/ race or at least I didn’t scapegoat it on that, I’ve never felt less than other non-bw, I’ve never had anyone call me ugly or unattractive, at least not to my face. So when all that negativity started being thrown around for bw I guess to get mad or angry. I couldn’t be mad or upset, that wasn’t me, that wasn’t my reality so I darn sure was not going to claim it. Yea I didn’t care, I didn’t feel like that about myself and although I felt bad for any bw that let that into her spirit that was her choice to allow that in. It wasn’t coming into mine.

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