I’ve been thinking about what to write all weekend long and finally came up with this, particularly after Father’s Day. I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot lately, missing him he was such a good dad and although he passed when I was nine years old, he left a legacy for me and my brothers. My brothers are good dads, pretty good husbands but would they be that if they hadn’t had my dad.
I know you’re wondering about the title, am I going to say if this is a good or bad idea. Well, I don’t like beating around the bush, I’m going to give the idea of marrying or dating a man who has no relationship with his father, a big NO! Why you might ask. Well, I’m no psychologist I’ve said that before, I just observe and when I observe I see patterns and in this case the pattern I see is not good. Boys need a dad, I don’t care if the mom and dad are divorced or separated, that child still needs a close relationship with his father. How do you know what a man is, how a man does things, if you’ve never closely observed one. Even if a father is deceased, like in the case of my dad, they are usually close familial bonds with other men in the family like uncles, grandfathers, cousins and even my dad’s navy buddies that made up for the loss of my dad. In many cases with men raised in single mother households where the father is totally absent, the guy is raised exclusively by women. I’m not saying anything bad about women or single mothers, I’m saying an absent father can cause a lot of trauma for a boy growing up. Some of that trauma from abandonment can be doled out onto women in the form of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. It may not happen but why take the chance. I know it may seem harsh to tell women not to date or marry men who have no relationship with their dads but really the ones who have a relationship are bad enough sometimes, why stack the whole deck against yourself. I know single moms it may be harsh to hear, but no I wouldn’t condone nor recommend that my beautiful nieces date a guy with no dad. I know it’s not always your fault but unless he’s had some serious therapy for the issues that the emotional abuse of abandonment can cause, I’m gonna give that possible pairing a big hell naw! I have a husband who has a great dad and husband, which is one of the reasons he’s a great husband and why I’m thinking about making him a father. But without that, we wouldn’t have even dated, less known got married. I try to live in the real world, in fantasy land no matter how you were raised everyone comes out fine. In the real world there are some fucked up people, be on the look out for them.