Throwback Post: Why I am Unmoved, Unimpressed, and Not Threatened by Other Women

Published in Single Girl in a Weird World on 8/8/11

When my mother named me Eugenia, she did so because that was my grandmother’s name and as a child my mother always told me repeatedly how special and perfect I was. Really, I just believed her, she was mother why would she ever lie to me. As I got older I searched for the meaning of my name as a woman who’s taken Latin and Greek etymology classes I wanted to know the meaning. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Eugenia means ‘well-born’ or ‘perfect’ so all that time my mother had been calling me perfect as a child it was befitting my name. Since I bore the name ‘perfection’ it can only mean one thing. I am unmoved, unimpressed, unconcerned and not threatened by other women. I could really care less about what other women are doing or not doing. I read a lot of blogs where women are going on and on about we’re always in a competition with other women, how as black women we’re somehow so deficient we need to be taking lessons from other sets of women, how women are so jealous of us as black women when they see us dating out, and really those last two statements can’t even be true they don’t even match. I can’t be deficient and on the losing end as a woman but at the same time threatening to other women if I date a man that isn’t black. I wrote a blog a week or so ago called ‘What You Looking At?‘ about these really weird encounters I’ve had on a few occasions where white women were crawling all over their men when they see me and Matt together and how odd I thought it was. Well, I got some of comments about how white women are really threatened by black women and such but really I was not writing to confirm that white women were threatened by me. I was writing it because I was wondering if I was just trippin’ or not. I could care less if white women or any other woman is jealous or threatened by me, I don’t think they are but if they are that’s their problem not mine. I don’t want anybody else’s man and bitch I’m not going anywhere so you can be threatened for the rest of your life but really I would consider that a waste of my precious time. You know I take people on a case by case basis, it takes time to get to know me and it takes time for me to trust you. I have all kinds of female friends in all shades, the reason I love, respect, and share with those women is because they’ve proved to be good and loyal friends. Now, if you do something that is bad and disloyal we won’t be friends anymore but until then I’m not judging you or a group of women like you on the outer shell. As a black women I hate for people to just assume they know me because of things they’ve seen on television or heard from other people. Really my name is not Black People, my name is Eugenia and if you want to get to know her you can. There are women in the world better looking than me, more accomplished and there are women worse looking than me and less accomplished. I am not in a competition with any of them, I’m in a competition with me, I’m trying to be the best me that God needs for me to be. I am unique and what I have to offer to this world only I can give it. What I have to offer to the man in my life only I can give him. Now if he’s stupid and decides he doesn’t want to appreciate it, then he can get to stepping I will not be drying up and dying. But at this point, he appreciates everything I give to him and he thinks I’m the sexiest, most dynamic and smartest woman in the world as it should be. I’m not comparing notes with other women, I don’t feel bad about myself or incomplete and all the things about me that are useless I ask God to help me rid myself of those things and people. This is my journey, other women have their own journey, their own man or woman, their own family to be concerned about. I love me enough to know, that no one can give what I give to this world. I don’t have to feel inadequate or incomplete when I look at others, they’re doing what they need to do for their lives. I’ve never been a jealous woman, it’s a waste. You see people where everything is shiny on the outside while they are falling apart on the inside, we need to watch our jealous streaks because sometimes there really is nothing to be jealous about. So I’m not deficient compared to other women, nor am I threatened by them. My confidence is sufficient enough that I can let someone shine and not feel weird or hateful about it. We all have something different to do, you do yours and I’ll do mine. And for those that feel threatened by any woman that  walks in your vicinity I wish you my confidence because that’s a sad life you lead.

3 thoughts on “Throwback Post: Why I am Unmoved, Unimpressed, and Not Threatened by Other Women

  1. Eugenia you sound really strong. I wish I was as strong as you are. I have 2 strikes against me: I”m both gay AND a black guy who only dates white men. I ask God why he made me this way. I don’t know but I’ve learned to be stronger and more compassionate and, like you not care what other people think. I still haven’t fully embraced my sexuality but I guess that will come in time. I’m happy for you that you are able to know what you want and be with whoever makes you happy. I was rather surprised when you said that it was the white women who reacted to your boyfriend I was sure that you were going to say jealous black men LOL. It’s amazing that people will tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, (people you don’t even know) and they get mad when a beautiful black sister etc. etc. And because we go against the grain we’re self-hating or sellouts which I know in my heart isn’t true because I’d honestly die for a perfect stranger because I’d want someone to do that for me god forbid that scenario ever occurs.

    It’s a painful politically-correct world we live in and we as a society need to look at the REAL reality of race and socail issues and see that all demographics and races have their strong and weak points but do it in a respectful manner because some people like me have honestly fallen through the cracks.

    Pray for me that I will be whole one day and strong


  2. Thank you for being you! It has been such a amazing blessing to discover your blog, and others recently. I love knowing there are other black women out there that believe we can live life to the fullest and God did not give us the short end of the stick because we are black. I have always wanted to believe and own that I am beautiful, strong, and kind. Sooo not easy for me! I worry alot what others think of me. Even have encountered jealous “friends” lately, but dang it I want to shine! The God in me demands this!

    • Everyday affirm that you are beautiful, strong and kind. Walk in it, act like it. Sometimes we gotta go for it! I know it can be tough for bw b/c everyone is trying to put us down but I don’t listen to that mess or let it enter my spirit. My mother said I was perfect, that’s all I ever needed to know. So everyone in my life just confirms that fact. Get rid of life-suckers, get rid of takers, get rid of those that don’t celebrate or appreciate you. Let them go b/c they need to go so you can live the life you truly deserve. I don’t entertain any negative ppl or ppl with entitlement issues.
      You know there’s a story Joyce Meyer tells about quitting smoking, she said when she started she would say everytime she smoked ‘oh these cigarettes are horrible they are so nasty’ although she was still smoking and there came one day when she smoked that they were horrible and nasty and she quit. We have to speak what we want, even if we don’t fully believe it at the time, our minds are stronger than we think. I’m reading a book on self-compassion and I’ll be blogging about it soon, don’t be hard on yourself, give yourself some compassion, you deserve it.

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