Throwback Post: I Get The Bad Feeling That Some Women Think Quantity Equals Quality

Published in Single Girl in A Weird World on 7/21/11

Now before you jump me, I am not telling women to hang out with the broke loser that doesn’t have a job, never had a job, no car and doesn’t have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of. But I have read some recent blog posts and it still seems to me that black women are not understanding that quantity does not always mean quality. There is a long list of things that go into being a quality man and yes, smart women marry for money and love but that’s not what I’m noticing. What I am noticing is black women who have been in relationships with sorry black men, the users among us, have now decided that if a non-black man has a good job, education, a house and car, he’s golden. Although those things are important in a mate that does not equal a quality man. Now I have a man that has a good job, so good I can work half-time, he’s got a BS in Engineering, he didn’t have a house but I’m not geeked up about the house thing, but he has car that is paid for. If that’s all you’re requiring you got it, he’s the best man ever. But for me those things aren’t special, they are a requirement, that’s basically the minimum you need to have a conversation with me, less known a date. Now you all know I don’t do the new to interracial folks, they are not my bag. I’ve done this too long and I have no patience for the silly questions about IR dating and relationships. But after reading one of my favorite blogs I notice a lot more women are coming along that seem interested in dating non-bm and are trying to get some information on how it’s done. I must say it’s done like all dating is done, slowly and carefully, but the thing I think some of them have been hearing is that if they meet a ‘nice’ non-bm, he’s got a job, paying for dates, a nice car, and he looks good you got yourself a keeper. I’m not sure that’s what is being said but from the comments it seems that’s what is being heard. The conversation revolved around Rupert Murdoch’s wife, Wendi Deng’s actions while he was testifying and got smacked in the face with a shaving creme pie. Now really that’s neither here nor there, personally I find the man detestable and just b/c he’s wealthy it doesn’t give him a pass. He’s an evil man, his company did evil things, I’m quite sure he knew about it and he’s only sorry now because they got caught. She, I find being his working bulldog, is classless and really on the level of any club rat that would fight over her man at a club and if the stories told are true she’s a home-wrecker, twice over. There is nothing admirable about either of these people. I’d put him on the level of Donald Trump, it’s just that Trump is more of a continual joke. Rich does not mean stable, nice, good provider, or man you want to marry. Now that doesn’t mean a rich man cannot be all those things, many of them are and I know wealthy men that are quality men of integrity. If you find one and he likes you, run, don’t walk, down the aisle if he asks you to marry him. But many of the comments from black women, whom I only assumed were not in or had never been in a interracial relationship because if they had they’d know that a man that lets his wife fight any of his battles is a not a man. But since Rupert Murdoch was a rich man that was the least she could do and she was right for stepping up and defending her husband by slapping that man. First that’s just asinine, I am marrying a man that is 6’4″ and 260 lbs and really it doesn’t matter how big he is the point is he’s his own man. I could never dream in my wildest dreams of slapping someone on his behalf, he wouldn’t let me and if I did he’d probably give me the side-eye. Which I wouldn’t blame him for doing, there’s something sick about a man that would ever get excited or be proud about his wife fighting or slapping people. I’m sorry it is never okay. Rich men, poor men, white men, black men can come in bad packages and if you’re eyes are so dazzled by some white guy with a nice home and car and throwing around money like it’s going out of style you have missed the boat on IR dating as an option. You’ve gone all surface and you probably did with the black men you dated and believe me you will end up with the same kind of man you had previously just different name, face and race. Finding a quality man takes some senses I think some black women are lacking or never had or something like that. That doesn’t mean they can’t be taught, there are tons of quality websites out there giving sound advice to black women but the point is they have to know how to process that information. Black women are processing some of this information incorrectly and I’m not saying all black women but some have seen a way to be taken care of and quality be damned! Now you can have both black women, you can have a quality man with all the quantity too. Isn’t that awesome!?! You can do both but don’t be fooled all the glitters is not gold. I have known of non-bm who were wealthy, well-read, educated and it was all good on paper but in real life it was nightmare. They were narcissistic, mean, inconsiderate, selfish, cheap (with the woman not with themselves), controlling, emotionally unavailable and withdrawn, manipulators, and just plain jerks. When we start talking quality we need to look at both sides of that coin, there’s more to a quality man than a fat wallet.

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6 thoughts on “Throwback Post: I Get The Bad Feeling That Some Women Think Quantity Equals Quality

  1. Where if I may ask here can a woman get more great information on how to “vet” when deciding a man is worthwhile. I am in my early 30s and hope to be married down the road. I am also a slow learner lol!

    • Well check out some of the blogs on the list to side of my blog. Definitely check out BB&W’s favorites blog lists. Christelyn has tons of great blogs for BWE and BWIRR dating. Also check out Swirling the book, there’s no better place to get information on vetting while swirling than there. I have some blogs and vlogs about vetting. Some of the vlogs I took down but I’m about to put them back up they are needed.

  2. This is a great post, and it really reminds me of what I’d commented about a ways back where there are black women who date DBR black men and then date interracially because they think those DBR issues don’t exist with non-black men. YES, they do.

    • Yes lord they do. I see a few bw picking the same men in IR dating b/c they’ve missed the vetting lesson. If you don’t figure out why you’re picker is off, changing the color of the man will do absolutely nothing.

      • Yes, this is that elephant in the room that I’ve noticed in BWE/BWIR blogs hell with women in general. Sometimes It’s not the dudes it’s you. From vetting to how you feel or perceive yourself. Like you said on another video you can’t fake who you are. It usually comes out sooner or later or it’s coming out subconsciously.

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