You Draw Who You Are Not What You Want

Black women if you want good things in an interracial relationship, you have to be that and not just talk about it.

12 thoughts on “You Draw Who You Are Not What You Want

  1. Love love love this! I had to listen to it a few times. Great food for thought.

    A good exercise to do, as you mentioned taking an inventory of your thoughts, is to take those negative thoughts and turn them into a positive affirmation you can repeat to your self to reprogram your thinking which will hopefully change your actions. For example:

    Negative: No one would be interested in me.
    Positive: I am a beautiful and intelligent woman, of course someone would be interested in me.

    Negative: I’m too old to date/change.
    Positive: I am the perfect age for my situation.

    Negative: It’s impossible to meet men here.
    Positive: I live in a wonderful place ripe with opportunities to meet quality men.

    Just something that popped into my mind while watching this based on some common refrains we’ve all heard and possibly said to ourselves at one point.

    • I like that Zabeth, that’s great advice. Most of us just let random thoughts run through our head and we act like we have no control over those things. But you’re absolutely right, we can take all our negatives and turn them around. You know when you think negative and things turn out badly as humans we say ‘see I knew that was going to happen, I knew it would turn out bad’ because subconsciously we do things to prove ourselves right rather than wrong. Whoo whee! That’s awesome advice Zabeth and love the affirmations. Ladies, don’t sleep on that use those.

  2. Great vlog as usual! You are dropping knowledge in this one. If a woman doesn’t think she’s worth having, who will??? I think a lot more BW would be Swirling if they got out of their own way. I

    • We are our own worst enemies sometimes. So many bw have such inferiority complexes, it will kill your chance to draw anyone of any worth to you and I don’t care what color he is. Yes I have to show my own worthiness before anyone believes I’m worthy.

        • I got the necklace at Target, they really do have a fantastic jewelry & it’s not super expensive. I’m not really a necklace person but I do love bracelets & bangles. When I found this one, I thought the same thing it was a nice statement piece. I bought it a couple of months ago. Those earrings have been hanging out collecting dust in my jewelry box and since I’ve got my hair during this natural hair transition I rediscovered them. They’re great b/c they are big but simple.

          • TARGET???? Shut the front door!!! I have a coupon for free Starbucks at Target that I have to use by/before August 31 – as MUCH as I love Starbucks, guess what’s going to get me in the store??? Exactly. Thanks so much!!! Woot Woot!

  3. Oh my gosh I so needed to read this today! I so avoid eye contact! I get scared and soo avoid giving strong eye contact. Had this earlier today, think this guy likes me a vanilla man lol and I will look down and away, just look away quickly. I need to man up and flirt lol! Think I just have to fear of taking it a step further…like a date because I do really find him attractive and who knows where that can lead…outside of my comfort zone!! Oh my!

    • Girl you better step outside that comfort zone, the best things happen outside the comfort zone. You know what we do as bw sometimes, we’re so busy internally rejecting ourselves that we don’t even give ppl a chance to accept or reject us. We just reject ourselves for them, we start thinking bad thoughts about ourselves. Oh he don’t want me, he’d never be interested. Stop that, just stop it, stop sabotaging yourself. When he looks at you, look back, smile, you can turn away nothing is more feminine than coy. Then look back, of he’s still checking you out, smile again. Don’t approach him but he should know your interested, be approachable and he should approach. If he don’t then he wasn’t the man for you, remember rejection is God’s protection. A man even a man that is shy will buck up when he wants a woman. You already got what you need to land him, you’re an attractive woman interested in men. Pa-yow!

  4. This reminds me of Johari’s Window. The open, hidden, blindspot, and unknown selves. There are aspects of one’s self that a person knows (open self) and then there are things about one’s self that they remain unaware of but other people can see (blindspot).

    I agree, some women do not realize that the energy that they give off can be unattractive. It can be an angry vibe, a depressed vibe, an obnoxious selfish vibe, etc. It’s not enough to just show up and look pretty. If you aren’t approachable looking, you won’t be approached. And you cannot assume it’s because you’re black. In fact, I find a lot of times, that’s a cop-out.

    • I find it a cop out too. Because I know of a bunch of black women, rainbeaus are tripping over to get to and nothing is particularly spectacular about them. Nice looking but not super models, not always w/ the best body but it’s the approachability factor. I’m always smiling unless i’m in deep thought I smile at everyone. That makes me approachable for everyone not just men. I know how to keep it pushing w/ ppl I don’t want to engage with, this weird notion that men don’t approach you b/c you’re black is a cop-out and a sign of inferiority issues. Never in my days did I think a wm even if he rejected me did it b/c I was black. I just assumed I wasn’t his type. Black women who want to date interracial need to get rid of that notion and even if they don’t talk to you b/c you’re bw they’re doing you a favor, that’s not an insult that’s a good thing.

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