Throwback Post: I’m Sorry to Tell You This, But the Choice is Yours

This blog post was published on Single Girl In A Weird World on August 3, 2011

I really hate giving people bad news but I guess I have to be the bearer, yes you ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS have a choice. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and even then you have choice or you bound and gagged, you have a choice in everything that goes on in your life. I get so sick and tired of the old meme of ‘I didn’t have a choice, I had to do it’ that’s bullshit and I’m calling complete shenanigans on that right now. I received this comment today regarding the ‘Braxton Family Values’ Teaches Black Women a Valuable Lesson’ blog I did in June.

Anonymous said: It is a sad situation. Playing devil’s advocate. we do not know the full view of the mother and father’s relationship. What if they had a great relationship and it just changed down the road. Some good people make bad decisions. Who is to say the mother was the perfect wife. Again not excusing the father’s behavior. Television does not provide the whole story.
Also bad relationships happens in every race and not just in the black community. Just speaking from experience. Great article. 

I don’t know who it’s from but I have my guesses. If it’s a man, it’s typical. If it’s a woman, it’s just sad. This post is about choice but I thought after I received this comment that it would be apropos to use it in this blog post. Because choice is such a integral thing in human beings, even the worse most oppressive conditions known to man some people still made the choice to go against that oppression even under the threat of death. That’s the power of choice. No matter where you are in this world, what plight you live in or under, you can make a choice to go against it. Now that may mean you endanger yourself or your family but you still have that choice.  In one of my favorite songs by the band, Rush called ‘Freewill’ there’s this pivotal line. 

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. 

That’s deep, that’s the power free will, we all have it whether people are willing to let you use it or not. You still have free will, it doesn’t go away with a situation. It goes away when you choose not to exercise it. 

This leads to me responding to the above post. All the sisters in the Braxton household are exercising their choice, a bad one but it’s still a choice. In another blog posts I wrote called ‘You Don’t Have to Live with Your Mistake Forever’ it explained that even if you made a poor/bad choice you don’t have to live with all your life, you have the choice to move the hell on. Now I don’t know about the mom and dad’s relationship either but I do know that you don’t go outside of your marriage to solve problems in your marriage. That goes for men and women. You also don’t get up in the pulpit on Sundays and espouse to me how I’m supposed to live my life and you aren’t living yours correctly. It wasn’t like this happened once, he had a nine year relationship that he acknowledged on the show while married to their mother. I’m sorry I hold people who are supposed to a shepard of God’s people to a higher standard as they should be held. So he’s a hypocrite, doesn’t mean he can’t be forgiven but to live like that is hypocritical and if he had been a man he would have either left their mother before he started this affair or stepped away from that woman and just lived with his consequences. I don’t give a damn if she was the meanest woman on earth, you don’t cheat, you just divorce her. He had free will, he had a choice, he made a bad one and now he suffers for doing that. You reap what you sow, that’s biblical too but I’m not sure if he was ever reading the bible. Yes, good people make bad decisions but you don’t make bad decisions then pretend like it was a good decision because of the way you felt at the time. Just say it was a bad decision and repent for it. 

The other response is to this tired meme of ‘white people do it too’. I’m going to say this once and for all and hopefully I won’t be saying it again, I hate to repeat myself. I could give a fuck what white people do too. If white people have issues in their community with men or Pastors cheating on their wives, that’s their damn issue to deal with. I’m worried about black people, particularly black women who are suffering in the black community because of all the bad decisions and choices we make thinking we have to stick in there for community’s sake. These are some beautiful, successful, talented black women with some scrubs because their mother didn’t have the sense to teach them how to make better choices in men. Black people seem to always be so concerned that other black people saying bad things about them is going to get back to ‘whitey’ and they’ll be embarrassed. You know what I’m about to pull a Bill Cosby up in here, black people’s business is already in the street embarrassing us, it’s on the corner, in the classroom, on the radio we ain’t hiding nothing. All our dysfunction is out in the street because we don’t exercise the FREE EFFING WILL it takes to make better choices for ourselves and our families. If you like don’t this blog, if you think I’m not downing ‘whitey’ enough, your best bet is not to read it. I’m not looking for fans. 

The Big Picture

I really love to hear about black women celebrities dating and marrying interracial and I love Serena Williams. But from the information I got here and also here looks like she may be with a married man. So I’m wondering why other black women are celebrating this nonsense?

Your Right To Feel Entitled

Well this is how it all began, it starts with me defending my husband and ends with the statement ‘I am going to ruin you’ as if this is some epic battle like in the movie ‘300‘.

I know someone who is so entitled it makes my ankles itch, they itching now. Someone who believes all things and statements revolve around them. I had it out with them early this week. If you’re one of my friends on Facebook you were privy to some of my posture on the incident. They shall remain unnamed but not unconquered. Yes I vanquish with a quickness. But this blog isn’t about them and their entitlement issues. I refuse to participate in that. My blog is in general about white women’s entitlement and how man oh man I wish black women felt the same way.

See I’m not a black woman like you see on some of other black women sites, who thinks she’s ‘bottom of the barrel’. I am the barrel. Nor am I a black woman who believes she has no right to an opinion. I’m also not a black woman secretly wishing she was white either, I love being a black woman. I’m not a black woman who thinks the good life and good companionship are just a pipe dream. Baby, I’m living the dream. I’m not ashamed of my brown skin, full lips, big butt, and nappy hair and I’ve always known men of all races find me desirable but only one gets me. See this is deeper than that silly conversation over at FB where people are throwing out empty, ridiculous threats of ruining me that mean nothing. And please understand the hole you dig for me will be your own.

No, this is about black women having the right to feel entitled. I know ladies how many of you feel as Zora Neale Hurston describes it ‘black women are the mules of the world’. Aww Jesus, what a description. But see ladies you can be different, you can feel different, you can take your rightful place along side all the other non-black women of the world who are entitled. You can stop bowing down trying to convince black men you’re worthy of washing their dirty drawers while they set their boot on your neck. You can also stop slinking around trying to spare white women’s feelings and tears because you’re not willing to let her co-depend all over you. Broad I’m not ‘The Help‘. Telling you all her problems while your issues go ignored or minimized. This, as you grow old and alone while she’s telling how much she admires ‘strong black women’ who raise their kids without support because we are so happy and confident. Oh yea just wait I’ll eat watermelon and tap dance for you too. (big sarcasm)

See as a black woman you’re not supposed to have any right to defend yourself and your family. You have no right to an opinion, well at least one that’s not hers. Because well as you know she’s center of the universe and your black ass ain’t nothing but a sidekick. Lest you have an opinion, lest you defend that opinion, lest you defend yourself and be called bitter, angry, evil and aggressive. Just a tip for black women when a white woman calls you those things, she’s really calling you a nigger but doesn’t want sully her delicate white hands saying that.

When people tell you who they are, believe them the first time. (Maya said that.)

But alas black woman I have come with glad tidings. You have a right to feel entitled too. You have the right to a good life, a husband who cares, loves and supports you and your children. You have the right to stand up for yourself and other black women. You have a right to an opinion other than that of entitled white women and a right to defend it. You have a right to defend your family from other people’s craziness and lunacy. You have a right not to be talked about or down to. You have a right to feel beautiful in your black womanhood. You have a right to explore the world and experience all its wonders via travel. You have a right to be tender and vulnerable. You have a right to be angry and assertive. Black woman here’s good news.


Don’t let anyone try to tell you, you’re not. Don’t let anyone try to ‘put you in your place’. Your place is at the top of the heap baby! Don’t let them white broads tell you, you have no right to feel entitled. Don’t let them into places where you’re being celebrated because they always try to make everything about them. They’ll ask ‘why can’t I be a part of this?’ Because broad they’re celebrating you everywhere even though you don’t always deserve it. Don’t let them shed tears to somehow make you feel guilty you’re celebrating yourself not them. They have places to go, let them go there. Share this news that black women are entitled with other black women you know. Pass along this good thing. Any white woman with any sense will understand why this is necessary for black women to go this one alone. When we need them we’ll call them, just like they do us. And remember you are entitled all day, everyday. Stand in the authority over your own life.