The Big Picture

I really love to hear about black women celebrities dating and marrying interracial and I love Serena Williams. But from the information I got here and also here looks like she may be with a married man. So I’m wondering why other black women are celebrating this nonsense?

32 thoughts on “The Big Picture

  1. Wow. This is the first time I’m finding out that he’s married. How sad for Serena. Wonder what she’s thinking to date a married man. Sounds like Naomi Campbell and her married Russion boyfriend. SAD!!

    • She’s probably thinking the same thing many ppl think in justification of those kinds of decisions. I’m not hurting anyone, I deserve love, he/she is in a difficult situation they can’t get out of right now so I’ll be there for them and wait and wait and wait and wait… We will gladly delude ourselves sometimes.

  2. I’m wondering why is this comment here. I never said one word in that blog about black women not dating non-bm in fact I encourage them to do so but not for the paltry reason you give. Why would anyone want to be anyone’s choice out of desperation what an insult to the non-bm and the bw. BW need to open up their options because its the smart thing to do b/c they are entitled to a good man no matter what color. Your thinking is small. Never in my life did I consider dating a wm or non-bm b/c of bm you’ve given bm too mucho wet in that one statement. I’m going to keep this up for a little while then I’m going to ban you and put your info up here as punishment for coming on my page with this foolishness.

  3. UGGGH! Married?!?!? So…no different from Blackistan. I doubt many would have been on board with this on the IRR dating blogs if they knew or suspected. It was surely a lack of knowledge. Thank you Eugenia for doing the reality check on this one. Black women deserve better and should never cheer on cheaters. It’s enough for us to cheer since bw are not usually in to the rah-rah.

    I had never been a celeb cheerleader BUT I cheer for the “team swirl.” These IRR, in the spotlight., have an impact on some and I think those of us who could take it or leave it, never needed someone to “pave” our way with swirling. I have met several women that .likely need to get the validation by seeing the Nicole Beharie’s. They need to see the road paved because being blindfolded and encouraged to go on a country/county unpaved road won’t be effective in getting more. “traffic” on that road. It can get silly cheering everytime a new IRR couple emerges. It can seem silly to keep showcasing their swirling successes but I also know it not only helps.some black women but the younger women and giirls and. Rainbeau men. PR for us is atrocious and we have th e resources to create our own campaign. Naturally, we want to keep it classy. Sometimes it seems silly to post picts of beautiful black women on my FB page but I know it is good PR for BW.

    • Everyone needs different things and as I said I like to see a celeb IR couple just as much as the next. I don’t need no one to let me know the swirl is okay. But it’s just nice to see b/c they always keep bw/wm couples in Hollywood a secret bigger than the KFC recipe LOL. But we all must understand how what we promote too hard may come back to bite us. The folks reporting this in the land of BWE/BWIR I don’t think knew anything about this man being married. But we have to be careful hyping up boyfriend/girlfriend thing especially when it comes to some of our more mature sisters. I love Nicole Beharie & Fassy too but damn they been dating awhile and he seems a little of the serial monogamous. I want to promote marriage for bw with the swirl as many of us who do this want to also. So lets celebrate them. This is a good lesson in vetting for bw, we have to be careful who we give our hearts & time too. We don’t want those back broke or wasted. If you’re interested in marriage and finding a suitable husband, I wouldn’t look to Hollywood for examples. It’s like shiny stuff it’s great to look at but it’s not real. There are many of us out here in BWE/BWIR who are some of the best examples of choosing a good husband & provider. We’re too fascinated with celebrity and its not good. No one in Hollywood ever gave me the courage to date IR, I had to go within me to find the strength to do this and I did in a time that was less friendly than now.

      • I agree that the ladies in the real world of IRR have been the best resource of inspiration and knowledge. I don’t send the black women I know to the tabloids. I send them to your blogs to hear from the married women and men that contribute personal experience info on real life and love. Much more credible and valuable. It has been invaluable to me in gaining knowledge on recovering from my divorce, vetting skills for future dating( even wanting to date, lolz) and IRR dating topics. I talk about BWE blots 24/ truly are my she-ros! Saved me serious therapy $$$. ❤

  4. You are so on point, I want to reach out and hug you! I heard about her “great” catch a few days ago on another blog dedicated to IR dating. I fine it hilarious that the blogger who wrote the article about her great catch is one who thrives on speaking against cheating and settling for less in the black community, yet gave Serena a pass because this dude is white. Like he is doing her a favor, absolutely ridiculous! Celebrity or not, this is nothing to celebrate! Serena with all her wealth and absolutely gorgeous body has serious self-esteem issues.

    We should not have live your best life 101 rules when dating a black man and one for IR dating. Some basic rules apply across the board. If it’s a bad idea to date a married black man, why should it be okay to shack up with a white man? because he’s white and doing us a favor? The message here is pretty clear, no matter how beautiful, rich, successful we are, we are still second best, good for a quick lay or to prove “hey, I’m down, I’ll do black chicks” but unworthy of a committed relationship.

    • Well we aren’t second best, we should settle for being treated that way by anyone. Now this situation with Serena and her whatever is hers. I’m warning bw that no we don’t have two sets of rules for black men & non black men. But I’m not saying in any shape form or fashion that white men are just trying to use us for sex. That’s a bunch of bullshit too. There are plenty of non black men who adore and are attracted to black women and want us as wives not just girlfriends . That’s who bw need to be seeking and we need to stop letting our thirstiness and need for validation from any source good or bad guide our decisions on picking men. Picking a good partner is an art and many bw just aren’t good at but I’m here to help. Black women coming to my website need to know you are not bottom of anything here. I celebrate black women which means I tell them the truth. You are wanted by good, stable non-bm but too many of us are used to having no standards and asking for nothing but we can ask men for more and they should be up for the job of winning our affection and not just having it thrown at them like its only worth peanuts.

    • I concur.I feel that black women should have high standards for themselves and others across the board.

      I hope this isn’t over stepping,but how do we know that the other blogger knew of this guy’s marital status? I personally am just finding this out right now.I know of the blogger you speak of and it doesn’t seem to add up with her values to promote a woman being with a married man.

      As I have said,I hope I’m not overstepping.I also mean no disrespect at all,but I am fond of the blogger spoken about due to her being an ally to black women.I respect her the way I respect Eugenia.She is living the life she desires, all the while taking time out of her busy life to encourage others.She seems to genuinely care for other black women.

      • I don’t think anyone knew, I’m not accusing anyone of promoting this and knowing this man is married. But now that’s it’s pretty suspect he is then as black women who promote healthy relationships we need to say something, we just can’t act like things aren’t happening b/c it doesn’t look good. This blog post isn’t even about anyone’s post, I know folks been celebrating this, i was happy about it till i figured out he was married. Don’t worry this is not about dissing anyone’s blog but as bw promoting IR we have to be careful what we promote. People’s lives are at stake. If we do say/promote one thing then live another then we become like the ppl we speak against. I’m not mad at Serena, I’m not even mad that bw want some validation so we do it via celebrity, I get that. But we have to be responsible. That’s one of the reasons I don’t do celebrity stuff, we never know what’s going on with folks. What I want black women to know is that they are worth something and to stop looking for the everyone in the world and especially the media to validate that. The reason this story was promoted was b/c as bw we’re just excited any man thinks we’re worthy of love instead of thinking we are worthy of love ourselves whether random men think that or not. Everything begins and ends with us, always and no relationship with the finest, richest, most generous wm is ever going to change that.

        • thanks for clearing that up for me Eugenia.I very much so agree with you and am glad you did say something.I have noticed some women online at bwe sites,bwir sites and others fail to mention some of the more shady aspects of certain relationships.While some are not aware of the more shady aspects of certain relationships and just use celebrity couples to show people that black women and white men do date each other.Apparently people have to see it to believe it.Some black women have also failed to call out white men that hate on black women .I’m not giving any passes.I’d like for myself and other black women to have the BEST life possible.

          Lastly,I feel inclined to speak up on behalf of a person when they have a track record of being an ally to black women.
          I would do the same for you even though I KNOW you don’t need a defense.I just wouldn’t want someone to come to a negative conclusion about you or anyone else without any proof.Especially when you,and the other blogger, have put so much time and effort into speaking out on behalf of many black women.I was really just trying to practice reciprocity.

          • Not a problem. I don’t want to get into a blog battle with folks, not my thing. Really all the women I know who do BWE & BWIR have something great to contribute and we’re not all contributing the same thing. I got my thing and someone else has something else. But I know we all have the same goal to give black women an opportunity to be their better selves, however that woman needs that. I know black women in bad IR relationships & marriages and not b/c the guy is not black and she is, it’s b/c ppl don’t always know how to pick the best person for them. In the end that’s the most important part this situation with Serena Williams just reiterates a fact that just b/c a bw is dating a wm does make him some incredible dude. It’s still important to not be taken in by the myth of magical whiteness.

  5. I totally agree with your point of view. I’m also married and I do not believe in sharing a man. Serena should not either… If it’s true. I hadn’t even heard about her dating this man until I watched your video.

    • Someone told me so I looked it up, he was married last December as of now still seems he is. I’m hoping he’s divorced but celebrating boyfriends especially for women as old as Serena is just getting old.

  6. Cosigning with you Eugenia. So many nice black women role models serve as wonderful examples and then do things like this. There is nothing to be proud of here. Married is married is married. IR is insignificant!

  7. I made my comment before I saw your video, so now I’m responding to your video (so you won’t think I’m just gabby. ^.^’):

    I remember when the whole FassbenderIRRgate thing happened there were mixed opinions about it, but one opinion that stuck out to me was a person who was like, “LOL, who cares? God, why are some of you black girls so thirsty?!” I observed from a safe distance as the fur flew over that remark, but I remember mulling over the opinion and thinking, “You know she has a point.” Of course by the time I thought this over there was nothing left but a scalp and some high heels.

    The point is, I DO think I understand why some black women are pleased when they see celebrities coupled IRR. It gives a bit of validity to their situation if they seek it. Or, more dangerously, it gives validity to black women who lack the ability to appreciate themselves as beautiful and lovable.

    I say dangerous because for people seeking validation like that, a woman like Serena may be a bit like looking in the mirror. Her relationship woes are already known at this point. This “good for you, you got a man! And he’s white, bonus!” slap on the back she’s getting definitely suggests that desperation will be rewarded by making questionable life decisions.

    And yes, any wealthy, successful, talented, lovely young woman who settles for being the other woman is making questionable life decisions.

    Sometimes you have black women who get SO caught up in the, “YAY, SOMEONE FINDS US ATTRACTIVE!” that they totally miss the fact that (1) whiteness does not make one free of DBRness and (2) your self-esteem should be centered around yourself, and not other people.

    Insecure people tend to be the ones that act up most in this regard, so we do them no favor when we validate their insecurities through indiscriminate glorification of interracial couples.

    • Scalp and high heels LOLOLOL!!!
      Okay let me be serious you’re right. I love it when I see IR celebrity couples, I’m like anyone else. But Fassy and Nicole been ‘dating’ for awhile and as impressed as I was when it first happened as time goes on I’m like ‘meh!’ Because a man who really wants a woman wants to lock her down, because you don’t want other men usurping your territory. There are tons of wm celebrities with black wives them I’m impressed with. The point is for black women to be seen as marriage material. Why we celebrating boyfriends? Everytime we do this all it lets non-bm know is bw are screwable but any woman is screwable, I want everyone in the world to know especially in the U.S. that bw are marriageable. Now I’m not mad at ppl dating you got to get know ppl but if a wm is just dating, dating and dating a bw that means nothing. Yes it’s great to be validated, we all want validation but we have to watch where, from who and why we want this validation.

    • I was shocked and saddened for her. I been following her a long time on Twitter & I know she’s been recently down on love so I was kind of happy for her but if this how she set this up its gonna be a disaster. You have to begin a relationship how you want it to end.

    • I really hope she is not going this route. But two blogs say yes, didn’t find one that said he wasn’t. Black women have to realize we are worth more than side chick status and him being white doesn’t even make it remotely okay.

  8. ….What the cuss? O_o I do not approve of “man-sharing”. I just feel like a woman like Serena can certainly do better and if he’s really married, she’s selling herself short.

    I do feel like there is this behavior that some women have where they will go into relationships like this and be “the other woman” because it’s either easier than being alone or easier than trying to develop an actual relationship with someone. Because they are supposed to be committed to someone else, I guess they don’t have to worry about doing any emotional work involved in a purely monogamous relationship.

    I know some women dupe themselves into thinking “what we have is better than what he has with that other woman” or “he’ll leave her for me” or whatever they tell themselves, but the truth is, you are a glorified place-holder for his penis. That is all you are, and that is all your relationship will ever be, because unless it happened on a blue moon or it was true love (which is rare), being the “side-chick” usually means getting the same treatment as the previous “wifey”.

    You can neither trust that person fully nor expect to be fully trusted or respected.

    It’s definitely not a situation I advice anyone get themselves into. Hopefully she’ll wise up and find someone else. :/

    • I don’t recommend any woman set herself up for this kind of failure. Any man that has decided to solve issues in their marriage by going outside his marriage is not someone you want to set up a commitment with, if that ever actually happens. Women are set on trying to find ‘purple unicorns’ instead of noticing all the stable men that are there they seem to be overlooking.

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