The Sooner and The Later

In the game of love women seem to be desiring marriage early on in life, while men, well men are playing catch up.

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5 thoughts on “The Sooner and The Later

  1. I am curious about this also. Although I don’t yet know many men above 35, but I do see men in their late 20s and early 30s that have never been married and have a lot of anxiety about really biting the bullet in that aspect.

    Now I am not making excuses for men, nor am I trying to paint all women as “crazy,” as I think both genders can be equally crazy. But upon me asking my male friends who fall into this category, it seems as if they have come across a lot of women in their 20s who may or may not have been ready to get married but they just did not have their stuff together mentally or emotionally. The result is a lot of my male friends have been burnt along the way by women they really liked/loved and this has made them very cautious. I still think this is a form of “burying their heads in the sand” and a lot of times I wonder if it’s simply a case of their “picker” being off when selecting these emotionally unstable/immature women. As you’ve pointed out, these days people tend not know how to pick people on things that really matter, so I think that is one factor in why there is a gap. You play with fire (fire being things that matter less such as “passion” “lust” “hotness”), you get burnt. And some people don’t know how to deal with the scars.

    I personally want to be married sooner rather than later. But trust me, even at 25, 26, there are still *a lot* of people out their whose maturity level is that of a 16 year old. Yes, they may be responsible and can pay the bills, etc, but they don’t know how to communicate or nurture a relationship. And they carry these issues into their 30s. I would rather they not be married, than get married, don’t realize that it takes a lot of tending to and caring for, and then turn around and blame the entire institution of marriage when they fail at it.

    Again, I am not saying the men have their stuff together at that stage either, but I am saying that wanting to be married by itself isn’t a sign of maturity. Just as not wanting to be married isn’t always a sign of immaturity. Both camps have a lot of maturity and immaturity to go with it.

    • Wanting to be married is no indication that you need to or are prepared to be married. It may be indication that you’re lonely and want company, your in love with the idea of love, you’re feeling pressure from society to just do it and get it done. Marriage takes maturity and commitment that I think many people lack.
      I think guys really are a lot less mature or let me say this scared to grow up. Many have been coddled by parents and aren’t prepared for much of the responsibility that comes with being adults. I say that for men across the racial spectrum specifically here in the U.S. But it just seems a curious phenomenon to me, that’s all.

  2. I love the way you think. Your blog has opened up my way of thinking as I am more determined to vet, vet an vet as much as possible. I find myself being particular in terms of who catches my eye. It is disturbing how some women think little of themselves to find comfort in only being the girlfriend especially if deep down she knows that marriage and commitment are her end goals. I believe too many people (goes for both men and women) feel they have all the time in the world to do the things they would like to do. It is best (no pun intended) to draw the conclusion for one’s own sanity sooner as opposed to later – you do not. Hollywood has this unhealthy way of being the be all and end all for some people as they are so blinded and feed their supposed realities of the world and how their life should be based on what this celebrity or that celebrity is doing.

    That baffles me – how would you explain how a man is content to waste a women’s time and be with her indefinitely for 10 years and all lof a sudden be marriage minded after the former relationship comes to an end. Time is lost and you do not get that back. I imagine you have to be even more mindful when in a relationship with someone and if you are unhappy get out before wasting any more precious time. I am definitely looking forward to your post on signals.

  3. Fantastic post Eugenia as I wondered the same thing. I do notice in my day to day (wonder if location plays into it) that most black women are not married while most non-black men have the tendency of either being unmarried or in a relationship with a girlfriend on and off for several and I do mean several years. It is challenging finding someone whom shares that desire. Interesting.

    I need to know what lipstick are you wearing in the video? The color is gorgeous!

    • I notice that too, that many women are okay or at least stating they are okay waiting. There’s this weird push in Hollywood to convince us that the majority of women are really scared & don’t want to be married. How many friends with benefits, girls engaged for umpteen years movies have come out lately. That’s shenanigans. I think men are doing what women let them do, if you’ll let him drag you around as a girlfriend for forever he will, don’t hurt him. Many women are so scared to lose a man, they’ll totally compromise themselves. We’ve been duped too into thinking men don’t want to get married, that’s a lie. If your with a guy for 10 years & he hasn’t married you then he turns around with the next chick & marries her in 2 years (and I have seen that happen a lot) it was only because he didn’t want to marry you. All a woman is looking for is one but we gotta have some standards. I’m gonna do a blog on ‘signals’ a man is interested in marriage soon.

      That lipstick is Purple Haze by Manic Panic, I don’t even know if they are still in business, might be.

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