Throwback Post: I’m Sorry to Tell You This, But the Choice is Yours

This blog post was published on Single Girl In A Weird World on August 3, 2011

I really hate giving people bad news but I guess I have to be the bearer, yes you ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS have a choice. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and even then you have choice or you bound and gagged, you have a choice in everything that goes on in your life. I get so sick and tired of the old meme of ‘I didn’t have a choice, I had to do it’ that’s bullshit and I’m calling complete shenanigans on that right now. I received this comment today regarding the ‘Braxton Family Values’ Teaches Black Women a Valuable Lesson’ blog I did in June.

Anonymous said: It is a sad situation. Playing devil’s advocate. we do not know the full view of the mother and father’s relationship. What if they had a great relationship and it just changed down the road. Some good people make bad decisions. Who is to say the mother was the perfect wife. Again not excusing the father’s behavior. Television does not provide the whole story.
Also bad relationships happens in every race and not just in the black community. Just speaking from experience. Great article. 

I don’t know who it’s from but I have my guesses. If it’s a man, it’s typical. If it’s a woman, it’s just sad. This post is about choice but I thought after I received this comment that it would be apropos to use it in this blog post. Because choice is such a integral thing in human beings, even the worse most oppressive conditions known to man some people still made the choice to go against that oppression even under the threat of death. That’s the power of choice. No matter where you are in this world, what plight you live in or under, you can make a choice to go against it. Now that may mean you endanger yourself or your family but you still have that choice.  In one of my favorite songs by the band, Rush called ‘Freewill’ there’s this pivotal line. 

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. 

That’s deep, that’s the power free will, we all have it whether people are willing to let you use it or not. You still have free will, it doesn’t go away with a situation. It goes away when you choose not to exercise it. 

This leads to me responding to the above post. All the sisters in the Braxton household are exercising their choice, a bad one but it’s still a choice. In another blog posts I wrote called ‘You Don’t Have to Live with Your Mistake Forever’ it explained that even if you made a poor/bad choice you don’t have to live with all your life, you have the choice to move the hell on. Now I don’t know about the mom and dad’s relationship either but I do know that you don’t go outside of your marriage to solve problems in your marriage. That goes for men and women. You also don’t get up in the pulpit on Sundays and espouse to me how I’m supposed to live my life and you aren’t living yours correctly. It wasn’t like this happened once, he had a nine year relationship that he acknowledged on the show while married to their mother. I’m sorry I hold people who are supposed to a shepard of God’s people to a higher standard as they should be held. So he’s a hypocrite, doesn’t mean he can’t be forgiven but to live like that is hypocritical and if he had been a man he would have either left their mother before he started this affair or stepped away from that woman and just lived with his consequences. I don’t give a damn if she was the meanest woman on earth, you don’t cheat, you just divorce her. He had free will, he had a choice, he made a bad one and now he suffers for doing that. You reap what you sow, that’s biblical too but I’m not sure if he was ever reading the bible. Yes, good people make bad decisions but you don’t make bad decisions then pretend like it was a good decision because of the way you felt at the time. Just say it was a bad decision and repent for it. 

The other response is to this tired meme of ‘white people do it too’. I’m going to say this once and for all and hopefully I won’t be saying it again, I hate to repeat myself. I could give a fuck what white people do too. If white people have issues in their community with men or Pastors cheating on their wives, that’s their damn issue to deal with. I’m worried about black people, particularly black women who are suffering in the black community because of all the bad decisions and choices we make thinking we have to stick in there for community’s sake. These are some beautiful, successful, talented black women with some scrubs because their mother didn’t have the sense to teach them how to make better choices in men. Black people seem to always be so concerned that other black people saying bad things about them is going to get back to ‘whitey’ and they’ll be embarrassed. You know what I’m about to pull a Bill Cosby up in here, black people’s business is already in the street embarrassing us, it’s on the corner, in the classroom, on the radio we ain’t hiding nothing. All our dysfunction is out in the street because we don’t exercise the FREE EFFING WILL it takes to make better choices for ourselves and our families. If you like don’t this blog, if you think I’m not downing ‘whitey’ enough, your best bet is not to read it. I’m not looking for fans. 

4 thoughts on “Throwback Post: I’m Sorry to Tell You This, But the Choice is Yours

  1. Another thing I’m tired of is people abusing the phrase, “Playing devil’s advocate”. You aren’t playing devil’s advocate, you are advocating YOUR OWN point of view. Stop trying to mask your OWN feelings as speaking for someone else.

    Just go ahead and say, “Well, I think…”

    Please stop insulting everyone else’s intelligence. That annoys the crap out of me.

    • LOL they aren’t playing devil’s advocate, they are the devil. That’s a passive aggressive way to get across their point of view b/c they think its going to be unpopular. Ppl need to stop.


    I literally just submitted a post along these lines, so I’m cracking up, because it feels like there’s just something in the air. Mainly, being tired as hell of people acting like they have no choices regarding the things they do or don’t do.


    No one is perfect and yes, we all make mistakes. But a mistake isn’t a mistake if you don’t own it. You can’t cry about “I’m only human” if you’re using it to justify your continued bad behavior.

    That’s not how it works!

    We all make choices, some good and some bad. But as you said, we have free will, and part of being a grown up is having responsibility for yourself and your actions.

    Nobody expects you to be perfect. But dang, people need to stop coming up with the sorriest excuses to behave in the most backward manner they can. :/

    Great (throwback) post!

    • Toni you and I think a lot alike, you’re a tad more analytical than me but many time I’ve seen your blogs and thought ‘OMG I was thinking that same exact thing’ or it was something I wanted to write about or have written about in the same manner. Great minds think alike is all I have to say 🙂

      But yes we can’t duck, dodge, blame mistakes on others we always ha e a choice in the matter. If you made just take responsibility for it and move on but mistakes will haunt you forever and keep you trapped if GUI pretend like you never had a choice in the matter. I swear there millions of ppl all pretending like life is just happening ‘to them’ and they have no say in the matter, that’s what keeps so many bw in bondage. Even if I make a mistake, if I take responsibility for it that gives me power, the power to change things. I have no idea why ppl don’t get that.

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