Am I Your Competition? Are You My Competition?

In the game of love, I keep getting the feeling that women are being okey-doked into thinking we’re each other’s competition when it’s not close to the truth. Here is the great article from Neecy’s Nest that I mention in the vlog.

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8 thoughts on “Am I Your Competition? Are You My Competition?

  1. I love your post and videos. The last thing black women need is more people telling them they are not enough. Please continue, we need more like you.

  2. “A bunch of ya’ll think it’s like 2 white dudes out here and that’s it.” LOL, too funny!

    This whole competition trick bag keeps women focused on beating out other women and not vetting the man. Then one day you’re surprised that this guy is really isn’t that much of a catch and you don’t really connect, but girl you beat every other girl to get that, lol, pat on the back.

    I will never forget the first video of yours that I saw, the myth of the shy white guy, where you said your husband is shy with his own family (LOL), but he stepped up when it was time to initiate something with you, and that is 100% truth.

    • Exactly, this thing of trying to beat every other woman to yea just end up with some mediocre dude b/c you didn’t vet him. I’m standing in my authority, if he wants you he’ll come and get you but the stuff women gotta do to compete really just makes your ordinary.

  3. Thank you for being a voice of reason on this issue. So many women get caught up in this way of thinking, and sometimes it’s hard not to with the constant messaging that women need to fix and manipulate something about themselves to meet a man. Great video.

    • That’s why I encourage ppl to really watch what they’re taking in, if it’s not uplifting you even if it’s saying something you may not want to hear then it’s just a soul-sucker. I don’t deal with soul-suckers.

  4. I hope you enjoy your trip!

    Great vlog. I’ve always given a side-eye to the “black women need to take lessons from…Asian women, white women, even non-American black women, etc.” messages. And you’re right – we’re constantly bombarded with various, sometimes contradictory, “improvement” advice.

    When it really comes down to it, it’s simple as you said: being the best you can be, and vetting men, and just people in general, accordingly. I remember a commenter on a blog a long time ago scoffing at “Love yourself” as a principle, and people co-signed her disgust. I don’t understand why many women enjoy picking themselves (and others) apart, and perpetuating the endless, self-loathing cycle of “I have to do/be better because I’m defective,” particularly as it pertains to relationships.

    And it’s not that I think introspection, therapy, changing your lifestyle to be optimal is wrong – that’s not it at all. But someone is always upping the ante, and at what point are women allowed to be content in who and what they are? Why worry about what Becky and Zhang Li and Kimiko and Akosua are doing, particularly when they likely have their own cultural issues that are ignored because folks are only concerned with the shiny packaging of marriage/in a LTR with a seemingly attractive, financially well-off man?

    I’m single, and I’m constantly checking myself to prevent falling in the abyss of “I’m not good enough because I…am not married with 2.5 kids and a home with a picket fence/not a size 4/choose to wear relaxed hair/came from a working class family/didn’t pursue a MRS degree simultaneously with my college degree/am introverted.” And on and on. It’s maddening, and I refuse to get sucked in. It’s not easy, mind you, but I will not lose my sanity in the hamster-wheel of self-degradation. There’s too much life to live and enjoy!

    Also, this from the vlog: “A bunch you all think there is only like 2 white dudes out here, and that’s it.” LMAO! I always think of this video when I hear about competition among women.

    • I’m an introspect person but I don’t spend all my time being introspective or talking about how awful I am. I most certainly don’t take in all this crap folks are selling on the interwebs b/c much of this is just way to make you buy stuff. I know the game. Spending time thinking about how I need to be better than the Jones girls just makes you insecure and makes you try to buy your way out if that insecurity it’s a losing battle. I have time to compare myself to every random woman, we each have our own triumphs and struggles. I’m happy for those I care about reaching goals and doing better but I’m not them and they’re not me. The best I can do here is advise you on how you can be a better one, not how you can be me. I’m not building Stepford wives here. I’m not so narcissistic as to think I’ve got it all together. When I need help I ask for it, when I can be of help I try my best to. My gift is to encourage, that does not happen when I tear others down to build myself myself up. I see that happening on too many blogs that claim to love and want to empower bw. Nothing empowering about telling me I’m a shitty human being. If I bring up an issue with no suggestion on how to solve it or even a direction to send you to then I’m just talking out the side of my neck. I do not encourage any bw to be like any other woman but her best self, that’s for her to figure out who that is. Once you become that then all the things you desire will draw to you b/c you will be what you desire. Like draws like, there’s no other way for that to happen.

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