Encouraging Tip of the Day: Black Woman You Are NOT the Problem

I know the message black women get from every side is we’re a constant source of problems for the world. I’m here to tell you, that’s a lie.

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15 thoughts on “Encouraging Tip of the Day: Black Woman You Are NOT the Problem

  1. I’d like to chime in on something phadils. I couldn’t agree MORE.
    It’s been about 1year since I’ve been back to the USA and guess what?
    I’m ready to get the hell out of dodge. When I pick up any black-focused media it is all NEGATIVE!!
    I’m sick to death of hearing about racism, how unhappy, unwantedly-single (if that is the word), how unhealthy, how broke, how unemployed how….everything bad is going for black people – especially black women. I’m not one of these dumb asses who like to pretend that stuff doesn’t exist. Especially racism.

    I’ve also pretty much started ignoring all of these blogs about black women who date internationally or in mixed relationships.
    Now y’all need to tell me if I am alone here or what. But all of these blogs seem like they are trying to convince black women that a) someone other than black/American men want them (like duh) or how b) yes they really “are” okay.

    Since when is this effing news? They are all coming from a place of insecurity as if the readers feel so unwanted or have such baggage around doing what just makes sense.

    I’m damn. I don’t care if it is Essence, Jet. dumb ass BET, Oprah’s network (although I give her props because she is far far far far better than some of those) – all the dumb as “black” magazines. And I’m not giving mainstream media a pass either.

    The subconscious suggestion is that “something is wrong with you, everything is bad and only getting worse, no one wants you…..so buy our [insert solution and you’ll feel better”.

    This is internalized racism – self-propagated racism at is best. Eve all the black blogs do this rubbish.
    It’s time to check out. I don’t know how I found this blog but it’s a voice in the wilderness.

    So keep speaking to those of us who took the red pill because we are out here and sometimes you need to hear another voice in the wilderness one doesn’t feel one is going crazy – lol.,

  2. It recently occurred to me that, particularly among the more well-known sites, black-women “centric” blogs operate much like the white-dominated beauty/fitness/image-centered industries do: they implicitly and explicitly declare how deficient you are. They break you down, and then sell you that you can be better – be built back up – by doing/taking/buying/reading X.

    And just like the beauty/fitness industries have products to sell, I feel confident to state that most, almost all, of the popular sites sell some kind of product, whether it is a book, a seminar, etc.

    To be clear, I’m not against anyone legitimately making money. And it’s likely that some of these products were created and sold based on demand from women caught up in the self-help mentality. And I’ve no problem with people making products and providing services when it’s clearly laid out on their site. But there is a difference between a business site that clearly lays out the available products and services, and a site that operates in some level of deception. If someone has something to sell you, I’ve learned it is wise to take their wisdom with a grain of salt.

    All that said, we all know that if some white or otherwise non-black woman tried to “remind” us of our “deficiencies,” she would be cut to the quick, and rightly so. But because the “face” of these spaces are presumably black women, it’s easier to swallow because the remedy is often laced with odorless, tasteless, and colorless toxins that feed on insecurity. The women who see clearly and circumspectly are often shouted down and leave these spaces, and what you’re left with is an echo chamber of twisted ideas – really the same kind of thinking that they accuse those “other” black women of, but they’re different because the men are non-black.

    Like Trenia said, they tell on themselves when speaking about other groups of people as if they have no issues. The other thing to keep in mind is that some of these women have had negative experiences with black people, whether in childhood or on into adulthood, and have explicitly said so, yet it’s overlooked. You cannot tell me that those experiences don’t color their worldview – they tell on themselves all the time. But it’s hard to believe that other black women can be bigoted, so it’s assumed that they have black women’s best interest at heart.

    Black women are awesomely human, and our womanhood is not inherently pathological!

    • Yes, not only do they have a product to sell; some of these faux bw centric sites use the model that many sites openly engaged in the pursuit of ad revenue use (like Clutch) – create controversy by either posting bait articles and/or dispensing patently obnoxious advice.

      • I’m starting to notice that more too. When I see a big controversy on an article from many blogs I’ve stopped clicking on links, I’m not giving nonsense a hit or any ad change.

        • I’ve noticed this as well and people starting stuff that isn’t there just for ad dollars. I’ve seen this in many online blogs not just BW blogs. Blogs/blog magazine sites that are set up to make women feel like crap after reading them, second guessing themselves. Then guess what you see? These people selling a product or products either their own or of someone else.

  3. Thank you! I’ve picked up on that sentiment on many blogs as well and I’ve never understood why so many others just eat it up. I almost wondered if I was missing something seeing as how I am a Black American woman and I am not sad, miserable, nor tragic by any means.

    Great video!

  4. Another great video, Eugenia. You touched upon something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: I never felt bad about what it meant to be a black woman until I started reading some of these black woman-centered blogs. And I’ve had to keep reminding myself that their experience in the world is not mine, even though we’re both black women. I grew up in a working class family attending predominantly white private schools, having a mixed group of friends, dating all kinds of men, and I was fortunate to travel around the world in my teens and early 20’s. I experienced some racism, sexism, prejudice and ignorance along the way, from black and non-black people, but I dealt with every instance and person as it came up. I never felt like anyone was better than me, nor did I ever feel like I was at the bottom of anybody’s totem pole (I hate it when black women use this phrase). There’s an entire group of Black American women living really great lives, making money, single and married, doing awesome things in the world who aren’t concerned about what other people think of them, women who are proud to be Black American women. No need to emulate another culture or racial group of women, just being proud of who we are. And it’s easy to tell when someone hasn’t spent much time with non-black people, because they speak about them as if they don’t have any issues within those cultures, communities, and families. I’ve traveled all around this world, and I can tell you everybody’s got problems, especially in relationships, it just may look slightly different than what black women are facing.
    I’ve had to stop reading so many blogs because their tone is so negative, hateful, and self-loathing. But I must admit, I am still surprised as to the popularity of some of these blogs when the messages are so vicious yet couched in “black women I’m just so concerned for you, but you really need to do better”.

  5. Thank you for a timely post. When you set boundaries for yourself, most people respond by going out of their way to prove that your are the problem, especially those who choose not to have any. I believe that I have always tried to set boundaries for myself, but not in the correct way. However, now that I know how to say no and give consequences (most important) for breaking my boundaries I am able to see people for who they really are. I think it is insulting to the humanity of black women when they are challenged for setting boundaries for themselves as if they have no right to even think of themselves as beautiful, feminine women who ARE ABLE TO DEFINE AND SET LIMITS IN THEIR OWN LIVES no matter where they may be in their journey. Only selfish, hateful, insecure, mentally unstable, people try to attack you for setting personal boundaries. Their message is that you only exist if they say so. Black women must stamp out this message by continuing to set boundaries in their lives.

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