When Indifference Turns Into Malicious Hate

There can be a point where indifference turns into malicious hate and black men have crossed it with black women.

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3 thoughts on “When Indifference Turns Into Malicious Hate

  1. NPD–

    You’d suggested that we read the post that you did on NPD and I have to admit that I never felt so stupid, naive, used, and ashamed as I do right now. Today I cried because at the time that it was all going on, I could not put together what went wrong, other than him being willful/stubborn and not wanting to put in the work;but the realization that he was completely **unable/incapable** to even have human emotion or form a caring relationship was really damned gutting for me.

    Admittedly, when I read your post on NPD, I cried after reading this part:

    “”As long as you give them narcissistic supply, you are considered useful to a NPD when you stop or when the narcissistic supply loses it’s potency, because to NPDs it’s like a drug, they need to move on, they need new narcissistic supply. When you challenge their false self, they then become threatened and will start to devalue their partner. Once they start to devalue you, in the eyes of NPD you’re seen as ‘damaged goods’ the more you try to love or understand them the more they will devalue you and think of you as weak and useless. So what normal people would do in a relationship, showing more care, concern and compassion to a partner a NPD finds useless and weak.””

    Prior to today, I never understood what happened that caused my marriage to go off of the rails. I tried everything, to no avail. We’d been happily married for years before it all went south, and stupidly, I thought that it could be fixed. I know better now…

    According to what you wrote, for years I was feeding into his narcissistic supply, so he kept me around because he needed what I had, and once I began to become more assertive about things that I began to notice weren’t right, he felt threatened, and began to “distance” himself from me/us. The wife & kid he claimed to love, had no real value. we were stage props, easily rotated out for the next scene/act. Very painful realization. I am happy that I did as much as I could to shelter my son from him. At least there is a silver lining in that…

    I feel especially foolish because I’d actually tried to reconcile with him, twice.

    As far as a strained relationship with his mother is concerned, yes, that part is true about him, too. He was basically left many a night to be raised by his grandmother, who did not care for him as a child, because his father was not in the picture and he was a bastard, and so she verbally & physically abused him. He’d stated that he’d felt abandoned by his mother and that she’d only become a good mother to him after he was a young adult.

    After we’d split, and we would talk, he would always blame everything that went wrong in his life on the bw he’d been living with or married to previously, myself included, sometimes. He’d had several non-bw gf’s, who he admitted did him wrong by cheating or what have you, but he never blamed anything on them. He typically never said anything negative about them. It is scary that he has daughters, whom I was not aware of before we were married. They appear to me to be leverage against the other ex-wife.

    I am in agreement that this has been a long ongoing problem in the bc, my relationship with him was just a microcosm of what is going on in the greater bc. Violence will ensue as they did in my marriage. It will be difficult, but lifesaving…

    • I’m glad you got out, it’s fun to find that we may have been abused and not known it. But be thankful you do now and you can avoid these kinds of men and relationships. Forgive yourself, forgive him and move you there’s a great life waiting for you to live it.

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